Something scary happened while I was not looking...

I love underwear. I used to think that Victoria was such a dear friend for sharing her secrets. I mean - no one might see it - but I feel so good having it on. Panties and a matching bra make me smile. If you have to wear it - or choose to wear it - why not enjoy it.

That said - in the last 6 years I have been pregnant three times, have nursed 2 children - gained and lost something like 40-60 pounds (twice...) and well gravity can do a fair amount of damage in 6 years.

That said in the last say 18 months - I have gone from a snug size 12 to a loose size 6/8. My trainer could tell you how much body fat I have lost - all I know is it is significant.

Most of the bras and panties I have bought of late has come from Target. It is inexpensive - and well I was not wanting to spend a lot as I continued to shrink and firm up!

So today while both kids were in school - I decided to go to Vic's and get a bra fitting. I have noticed that some of my bras are not fitting like they should and thought I would check the situation out with a trained professional. It cannot hurt.

What a waste of an hour. I was feeling very good about myself until this experience. I bought a juniors sweater at Kohls and look like a million dollars in it. I bought a size 6 skirt at Kohl's that I look fab in. At Vic's - none of the bras I tried on said "Sexy - size 6" or "Ooo la la." They said 1950s - girdle for your chest and frankly were as about as comfortable. They were full coverage and totally looked like something my mom would have made me buy as a girl. Just because it comes in black - a girdle is still a girdle. An ugly bra is still an ugly bra - black, pink, or otherwise.

Furthermore - I tried on a nice bustier and well - even in my size it was 6 sizes too small. WTF! I am a size 6 now..... and according the nice woman who was helping me select bras - a 34B/C or 36C. Hardly obese or overly buxom! So I left with one pair of thigh hi hoses (I did have a $10 coupon for goodness sakes!) and was shaking my head. What happened. Six years ago I could wear almost anything in their store. Furthermore I liked almost everything in their store. Today I liked almost nothing.

So I was H & M later and on a lark tried on a few bras - in the sizes selected by the Vics lady - yep ever single one fit - reasonably well and looked so nice on - lots of lace - girlie details and the whole bit. I looked like a million bucks. I did not buy anything - but still I felt much better.

On one hand I wasted an hour - but on the other hand I discovered that the $14 bra and $6 panties looked better on me than the $45 bra and &15 panties. H will think that is worth millions!

Let me tell you what I really think....

I pulled this question from another website I hang out on....

Polling groups like to track the approval rating of politicians. What's your approval rating for President George W. Bush?

Well I would like to quote one of my favorite children's book author's (Kevin Henkes) Lilly Mouse - Lilly is telling a story about her baby brother - but it fits for GW also!

She says.....

"Once upon a time there was a baby. His name was Julius. Julius was really germ. Julius was like dust under your bed. If he were a number, he would zero. If he were a food, he would a raisin. Zero is nothing. A raisin tastes like dirt."

This earned Lilly a a sit on the thinking chair.

I say the following.....

"Once upon a time there was a really crappy President. His name was GW. GW was really a germ. GW was like dust under your bed. If he were a number, he would be less than zero. If he were a food, he would be SOS! Less than zero is a completely useless quantity. SOS tastes just like its name implies."

This thinking in the US will not land me in jail - in China - trip to the firing squad. In this country I can take my opinion to the polls in November 2008! Man, do I really have to wait that long.

Freedom of speech and a free press rocks! One of the many reasons I like to write - BECAUSE I CAN! I think that there is a place for all sorts of written works - I think that the freedom of speech is one of our greatest freedoms in this country. Censorship is a slippery slop. Who gets to decided what is ok and what is not. Well I think in a free country - we all decide for ourselves. If you do not like something - then do not read it! Like this blog for instance! No one is making you read it (boy am I glad you do - but you do not have to!)

dollar signs and holiday designs

The holidays are upon us - in full force - especially if you are a marketing guru - no time for Tom Turkey - he got lost in the Halloween Christmas frenzy. Now I am not all that in love with Thanksgiving - per se. Roast turkey and mashed potatoes I can take or leave really. I cannot eat pumpkin pie - although I do like it.

I think Thanksgiving has it merits - it is a good idea to pause and reflect on all the blessing and to show your appreciation for those important in your life. I think living a life that is grounded in thankfulness and thoughtfulness is important. It should be an everyday thing - not a once a year food extravaganza.

I also think - that while dressing up and having a nice Indian and Pilgrim school program - is cute and fun for the little ones - it is a bit disingenuous - I think that it was more than likely a uneasy friendship - the Pilgrims and the Native Americans - more like keep you friends close and your enemies closer.

I also tend to think that Thanksgiving is becoming a lost holiday - it is during the week and it really does cut into the the Christmas insanity. Why wait for the day after Thanksgiving to shop like a maniac - why not the day before for the preview sale or wait the weekend before. Before we know it - it will be the day after Halloween sale.

I think the over commercialization of the holiday season - just takes away from the season - it makes it seem less about friends, families and the togetherness and more about marketing and money.

What does that say about our culture - that the dollar today means more than the traditions of our ancestors? While I find some of David Sedaris's work interesting and for the most part he does not strike a cord with me - but his essay about Christmas in the Netherlands has always resonated with me. The traditions of other cultures rarely make sense to an outside observer. They may seem strange, run counter to the norms you hold true, and sometimes just plan make you go hummmmmm?

What is sticking with me is that in America today - we have so very few traditions left. The melting pot is slowly turning into commercial & PC stew. It makes me gasp - Christmas or any holiday is not about the stuff - but rather the company we keep and the values we pass on to our children.

How do we do that the "season" is about marketing and shopping and not about family and friends and cozy nights by the fire or about helping those who have less than we do?

I am trying not to be Scrooge this year and I want to create a warm and festive mood at home this year - but I still cannot fathom - why the holiday season - started the day after Halloween.

What will be coming next - a jack-o-lantern with a Santa hat - please someone save us from ourselves!

Do I still get.....

Tonight L did a mean thing to E right before bedtime so I told her no bedtime story. She knew she was in trouble once she had tortured E and took the punishment in stride. But then she asked me a question that nearly broke my heart.

"Will I still get a kiss, even though I was mean to E?"

Immediately, I told her she would get a kiss no matter what. I explained I would love her no matter what and I would never not kiss her goodnight - no matter what she has done.

I think this is so important. There were times that I think I doubted that. Doubted that I was loved or that I was worthy of being loved.

I think that is the best and worst thing about being a mother. The unconditional love. I mean I love L & E like no tomorrow. There is nothing about them I do not love. I love them to pieces. They rock my world. Sure there are times that they make me crazy and that I wish they would settle down and listen and do what I want them to do - but at the end of the day I love them - my life would so be a bit empty without them.

I see the bedtime kiss and special prayer as a scared time to remind them that I love them and will always love them. I will always have a kiss, hug and cuddle for them.

I know I have announced the fact that I am a total liberal! That my thinking is decidedly left of center. That said - I honestly believe in my heart - that if we all loved more - took the time to nurture bounds of love and affection - for our families, our friends and our neighbors - that the world would be a better place. I like the concept of "paying it forward." Doing something good - just because. I know it is idealistic and it can lead to hurt feelings - but really sharing love is a huge thing. Showing that you care.

Someone said I was nice person the other day. Well I try to be. There is no incentive in my mind to be not nice. (or be mean, or cruel for that matter.) It takes so much more energy for me to be mean. I think at worst I am neutral and at best I am nice and friendly.

So I will always have that to give - I like to think that my example will have a small impact somewhere. I want L and E to learn that no matter what, they still get all of my love - all that I have to offer - so that they never need doubt that they are loved and treasured.

And H - you know what - the same applies to you also!

Control

I am a bit of a control freak - actually I am a card carrying member of CFA - Control Freaks Anonymous! I am working on turning over a new leaf! I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot control the behavior of others - only my reaction to it.

I also happen to like being out of control in certain situations. I love to swing on the playground - losing myself in the back and forth rhythm of the swing. Unlike Bill Clinton I will admit to inhaling - once or twice. There have also been times when I have drank a bit too much. In theory I like the slightly bubbly tingling feeling I get from a bit too much wine!

I also like running for this reason. I get the best runners high after a great run.

But I digress from the topic of this post. I have learned it is very freeing to give up some control - without chemicals. The sheer power of just letting go - to surrender and acknowledge that life is full of challenges - you meet them and move on.

I spent alot of time in my twenties trying to make sure - frantically that all my ducks were in row, that my life was organized to perfection.

While I am still organized and I still plan things - I am open to a bit of chaos.

This weekend H and I went to party and there was alot of drinking going on. We were not part of that scene and as I have thought about it today - it is sad - people our age using alcohol as way to give up some control - to unwind.

I think in the long run - the best way to relax and to unwind is to trust in yourself - accept your limitations and celebrate your accomplishments and know that tomorrow is another day and you have the chance to start all over again - the chance to live yet another day to the fullest!

He is not a baby any longer....

It hit me last night at dinner. E is no longer a baby - actually he is no longer a toddler. At a week or so shy of 2.5 years - he is a little boy - or as he likes to say "I little dude!"

E is our last - we will not be having any more. I do not see babies and wish for more - I see hours of sleepless nights and endless hours of nursing. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed both of them as babies - I enjoyed the bonding that nursing brings - but I do not long to do it again.

If asked to describe me, I doubt my friends would pick sentimental as one of the adjectives. I did not cry on L's first day of school, first haircuts or otherwise. I am genuinely happy to see them grow and develop. Each stage is new and exciting.

I will however say that there are moments - like today at lunch when E said "you eat yourself and I eat myself - L." It was too funny really.

Real conversation and total awareness of self - equal the demise of babyhood!

I am not sorry so much that we are there - but a part of me thought for a minute - wow that part of my life is really over.

I may be a budding fitness nut - but I am not nutts

This is a funny story. Today my Yoga instructor, Y, told me a funny story - about me. She works at the gym as a trainer, Yoga instructor and a Spinning teacher. She rocks! So yesterday I was at the gym - I ran about a mile and half before I lifted with my trainer. I started out a fast pace and my hair started to come down - so while I was running I was also pulling it back up and out of my face.

Y says to me today - you know I saw you yesterday while I was training and just out of the corner of my eye and from that vantage point - it looked like you were doing jumping jacks on the treadmill. She said she did a double take and then realized I was pulling up my hair. Which made her feel better - she said she could not fathom why I would try jumping-jacks on a treadmill. She knew I had run the 1/2 marathon - but then that is a reasonable fitness challenge - jumping jacks on a treadmill - close to insane!

Right - I do not even try jumping jacks on solid ground - let alone ground that is moving. I may be becoming a fitness nut - but I am not insane!

Scrooge part 2

Ok - this is the last time I will comment on this rather troubling phenomena - but today at the grocery store - yep you guest it - a huge and I mean HUGE display of Christmas junk. Not elegant, not event pretty - just junk.

It is only Election day and already we are awash in Christmas junk! Could someone please stop the madness.....

Ok call me Scrooge!

H will tell people that I am closely related to Scrooge. (Which is not exactly true - but let's just say that I will not be dressing up in a Santa suit anytime soon.)

I mean I like Christmas. I like to see the lights - especially at the zoo. I like it when people decorate tastefully - not 100,000 lights and crap - but with style and elegance. I mail my Christmas cards and I enjoy baking cookies.

The advent wreath and calendar are fun and I will say once I get over my holiday-blah -I- don't wanna-attitude I actually like decorating the Christmas tree. I love the way the live tree smells in the house. I love that every year you can have a different tree.

So perhaps I am not the one to be pointing this out - but I gotta say - IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS TIME YET FOLKS! Target already has Christmas decorations out - they were out before Halloween. A florist shop I passed today was all decked out for Christmas and the worst - what absolutely pushed me over the edge and made me write this post - a local radio station was playing Christmas music all weekend long. Hello! It is not even close to being Christmas yet. Please - let's just celebrate the holidays in order and for a reasonable amount of time.

Who wants to be hearing "Sleigh bells ring, blah, blah, blah" - while trying to squeeze the last little bit of Indian Summer/Fall out of the early days of November. Not me....