Friday, October 3, 2008

Food for thought...

I am scared of food and I am hungry... After the bout of itchies, I pared back on my list of safe foods, getting back to basics and once again being a bit fearful of food.

I have said this before but food for me is now scary. It used to be exciting and I loved trying new things and new combinations of things and I loved to experiment. Now I feel like a food Nazi. I ask a million questions, I read every label and all the fine print. If a food has more than 5 ingredients I generally assume it will have something I cannot eat and skip it completely. My source of good choices - Whole Foods has eliminated some of my favorites - for reasons I cannot understand. Their replacement choices - either not within my guidelines or tasteless.

I am afraid of eating out, unless I have been there before. I used to be open to trying new places and now I am less so.

I went to bed kinda hungry last night becasue my stomach was giving troubles and I felt unsettled and frankly nothing sounded good and I am tired of the same 10 things. Part of this is the fact that the kitchen is a mess and well cooking is basically out of the question and the other part is my mind cannot get over the fact that the rash and the stomach upset came from something I ate and well I am still not 100% sure what it was.

I remember when I went on this eating plan, that I struggled and I feel like I am back there again. I am taking baby steps into the scary world of food. Leaving no stone unturned and well apple slices really are the best bet - and the healthy choice, albeit not exciting.

So we are heading out to dinner, somewhere we go often and a kitchen that I trust and all I can do is be thoughtful in my choices and be hopeful that my trust is not misplaced.

Intellectually I know that my reaction the last time and any in the future are likely to be fierce, given that I am so careful - but still it is scary and it does make every meal a bit more of an adventure than I would care it to be. I am lucky my reactions are not classic allergic reactions - no shock and no swelling of the throat - or at least they have not been - but then one never knows.

What I do know is that I am really hungry...

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