Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Blood work that is. Everything came back normal to great. The Celiac's test came back indeterminate to normal. Which I expected, given that I am strictly gluten free and have been for three years.

I do feel better. Slowly I feel like I am returning to normal. So whatever I ate was isolated. I have cut back on nuts and I am eating mainly fruits and veggies, meat and rice. I am kicking up and shaking up the exercise routine and most of all I am trying to relax and just take care of myself.

In terms of supportive care, I am seeking my homeopath, taking some high dose proboitics and drinking a tone of herbal tea.

So while I am not normal as a general rule, it feels good to know that my blood work was normal and perhaps this hiccup is just that - a hiccup and a sign that perhaps I need to ease up on myself, relax a bit more and take life at a slightly slower pace.

I am committed to caring for my body, my mind and my soul - because it is triumvirate. Each influences the other.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Airstream?!? or Sardine Can?

I will let you know... meanwhile this is for H and L!

L loves this song....

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Gut check

So I went to my family doctor yesterday and he sent me to see the vampire. Have I mentioned I do not like needles.

We are going to get some baselines and rule some things out. Otherwise he advises that I not eat things that make ill.

So I finally relented and am going to follow my homeopath's suggestions and try some, well alternative therapies. So this afternoon I went to a SPA (for lack of a better word) that specializes in hydrotherapy, ionic foot baths and they have a rockin infrared spa. All designed to detox the body and help me heal myself.

Can't hurt and I feel good, if not kind of tired.

The reality is, my poor gut is beat up from years of trying to digest poison and at this point, I am willing to try alternative ideas.

So I will go back in a few weeks for round 2 and I am taking some probiotics to support my gut.

I am also on my bare bones diet, of fruits, veggies, rice and meat. Some nuts and seeds and that is it. Nothing processed and nothing with more than 5 ingredients. It is boring, but it works and at this point - I will take it.

As long as I feel ok, I am game.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Today is...

the last day you will be 3!" I tell E this morning over breakfast.

He smiles at me - man does he have a killer smile and says, "That is kinda special, huh?" and continues munching his blueberry toaster pastry.

I think for a minute and agree with him. "Yes, that is special you will never be 3 again, so this is the end of that and the beginning of something else."

"Mom," he says, "I'll just worry about 4 tomorrow!"

I nearly cried. Talk about being in the moment. For so many years of my life, I worried about tomorrow. I was obsessive compulsive about tomorrow.

And now, I am many days, succeeding at just enjoying today.

I also have to think about the family I overheard at the mall. They were telling their kids they had to wait until they were X years old to do this and that and I thought - why not celebrate what they can do now?

Friday, April 17, 2009

Writers Notebook - Full Circle

So I have come full circle. Two years after writing my first story after at least 8 years of putting the pens and paper away, I have submitted another story to the Washington Post Magazine's annual love story contest. This time around - the story is 10 times better.

I have revised it - with the help of a number of gentle readers. I am blessed to have readers who will be honest with me ;)

I really like this story. It is a departure for me. I pushed myself with this one. I read it for those who attended the Naked SunFish read-a-loud and frankly that was the idea I have had to date. To ready stories out loud. I could hear it and because of that experience, I made some changes, to verbiage and the like.

So now - I do what I have learned to do best. Let it go. It is in the hands of the editors and the committee who will read the submissions and they will either like or not. Or they will like it, but they will like someone's work better. The important thing to me is - I wrote a solid story and I am pleased with the advances I have made in my craft and I am determined to continue writing and improving day after day.

After all, a writer writes.


So I went to see my trainer this morning and had a follow up body fat test... this is usually a good way for me to tell - if removing a food has help - a good gauge of the the "puffiness."

Well it is safe to say 48 hours of no nutz has not helped - in fact I am worse... so now my Homeopath - and he have decided that maybe the trace amounts of gluten in gluten free products might be my issue. Contamination....

So now I am cutting out the waffles (which I had this morning and have to say my stomach was none to happy with me....) and bye-bye gluten free bread and French Rolls....

At least for the weekend....

Next on the list - eggs - the only other food I eat consistently...

Also on the fun hit parade - Wednesday I am off to the doctor for a full physical and more blood work... just to rule out something serious... er, um MORE serious.....

So bring on the rice baby - YUMMY YUMMY RICE!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


So... I have been not feeling my best for the past month or so. I had been thinking I have been eating something I should not. But I have been super careful and frankly I am feeling worse and not better.

So today my trainer and I had a phone conference with my homeopath and we have decided that perhaps I am developing an issue with tree nuts. My symptoms are as follows:

1. Fever blisters on my tongue
2. Sore, closing throat feeling
3. Sinus pain (but not a headache)
4. Weight gain
5. Other tummy maladies
6. Feeling blah

At first I thought perhaps it was my body struggling with the emotional upheaval.

But now I think it might be something else.

I eat a lot of nuts. Hello they taste good and what the hell else am I eating. On any given day - I might have 2 TBS of peanut butter or almond butter. A Lara Bar (nuts), some nuts in my ceral mix - which I make myself.

I also drink Almond Breeze as a source of calcium and something drink in general.(at least a serving per day - sometimes a bit more...)

Not to mention I flavor stuff with nuts and I take a flax oil supplement.

So for the next 10 days - I am going to try and not eat any nuts and see if that brings any relief. I am also off to see my family doctor and I think - as much as I am loathed to do this - that I am going to pursue being allergy tested and have the formal testing for Celiacs. I would rather not, but I also would rather not continue to learn the hard way that I am poisoning myself - or perhaps something else is wrong.

It is disheartening to work so hard and eat so very little and still feel cruddy. I have gained 10 pounds - without so much as indulging in extra treats, eating more or changing my work outs... While I think it is mostly water and bloat from an upset tummy - I am not happy.

So now I am going to be brave and well - eat less than nothing.

It is a good thing that I like fruit and veggies like I do.... can a woman live on meat, rice, veggies, fruits and virgin dark chocolate alone, sadly I think I might be headed in that direction.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Violet Gray

Maybe it is because L is such a devoted artist. Or perhaps as I grow into myself as a poet, but I seem to be noticing all the subtle colors around me more and more.

Thrusday, while at the Wexner Center in the cafe, I was looking at the bright luminous sun and marveling at the color of the edges of the clouds dancing around the sun. The edges of the clouds were kissed with the subtle tones of pink and orange.

This morning on an arguably gray day, the sky was an amazing shade of violet gray. The depth of the color in places in striking counter point to the flat white gray of the upper sky (or the rain dotted sky out my window as I type.)

There is something about the subtle of life. Maybe I am seeing it now, because I am open to seeing it or perhaps it really does come with age.

Or are the colors a metaphor for the emotions which imbibe our lives. Is the violet purple the manifestation of melancholy? Is the jaunty pinks and oranges - the brightness of an excited mood?

I am not sure if there is a connection, but I am sure that the colors of our lives matter. They matter alot.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ponder, discuss, tell me what you think...

"You see what power is - holding someone else's fear in your hand and showing it to them"

Amy Tan