Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I just don't get it...

SPAM, I get alot of it, to various email addresses, but I just do not get it. Understand it. What is the point? Here is a sampling of subject lines from some recent SPAM.

  1. Form rod for better love
  2. Take and be inside her tonight
  3. Secret of male power
  4. Sustain your wooden-thing
Really? This is the best anyone could come up with in terms of a tag line. #3 mildly peeked my curiosity. Mildly. The rest of it just sounds stupid.

If this were not bad enough - these lines from a body of one of the emails - sealed the deal for me.

When you're nervous, mating can be spoiled by the specific male problems. OR
Your shaft will never be 'sad', when you need his fervor!

Your shaft will never be SAD? Fervor? Who uses that word? I can honestly say I have been married for 10 years and that is not a word that I associate with well, sex, exactly, but it is most assuredly something from a bad romance novel.

Are you kidding me. Mind you I did not click on the links, but who writes this stuff, bad romance novel rejects? Shaft? Seriously?

Now I suppose this works, it must, because this ridiculousness keeps arriving in my INBOX.

I have no idea what they are actually selling, one would think herbs for ah, shall we say enhancement.

The MBA candidate in me wants to analyze their marketing plan just a bit. First of all, I am a woman, shocking, but true. Therefore I do not have a shaft or a lack of fervor as it were. While I might, in a fit of well meaning but misguided efforts to help my guy feel better about himself or solve an issue, MIGHT think to give this a try, but that is doubtful. Men take their fervor seriously, and therefore this is a touchy space for a welling meaning but misguided woman to travel.

Moving on.

I have read men's magazines. They do not use words like fervor or shaft. So in the "know your audience" category of marketing, these clowns are falling short.

My third and I think final observation, spelling is in fact important. Grammar maybe less so, but spelling, kinda important. These SPAM emails read like a bad translation most of the time. Clearly English is not the primary language of the SPAMMER.

While I realize this type of marketing is largely free, it has to be less than useful. You have narrowed your market, to that of bored teens, people of questionable intelligence and well maybe the occasional weirdo. (Or MBA students/writers with some time on their hands, with designs at poking fun at you.)

See, I have even given it 15 minutes of thought and I still do not get it.

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