Tonight L did a mean thing to E right before bedtime so I told her no bedtime story. She knew she was in trouble once she had tortured E and took the punishment in stride. But then she asked me a question that nearly broke my heart.
"Will I still get a kiss, even though I was mean to E?"
Immediately, I told her she would get a kiss no matter what. I explained I would love her no matter what and I would never not kiss her goodnight - no matter what she has done.
I think this is so important. There were times that I think I doubted that. Doubted that I was loved or that I was worthy of being loved.
I think that is the best and worst thing about being a mother. The unconditional love. I mean I love L & E like no tomorrow. There is nothing about them I do not love. I love them to pieces. They rock my world. Sure there are times that they make me crazy and that I wish they would settle down and listen and do what I want them to do - but at the end of the day I love them - my life would so be a bit empty without them.
I see the bedtime kiss and special prayer as a scared time to remind them that I love them and will always love them. I will always have a kiss, hug and cuddle for them.
I know I have announced the fact that I am a total liberal! That my thinking is decidedly left of center. That said - I honestly believe in my heart - that if we all loved more - took the time to nurture bounds of love and affection - for our families, our friends and our neighbors - that the world would be a better place. I like the concept of "paying it forward." Doing something good - just because. I know it is idealistic and it can lead to hurt feelings - but really sharing love is a huge thing. Showing that you care.
Someone said I was nice person the other day. Well I try to be. There is no incentive in my mind to be not nice. (or be mean, or cruel for that matter.) It takes so much more energy for me to be mean. I think at worst I am neutral and at best I am nice and friendly.
So I will always have that to give - I like to think that my example will have a small impact somewhere. I want L and E to learn that no matter what, they still get all of my love - all that I have to offer - so that they never need doubt that they are loved and treasured.
And H - you know what - the same applies to you also!