If I had to pick a song of 2012 that really speaks to me, this is it. So far this year. I like the sound, I love the lyrics and I love the fact that it is a conversation between the two singer.
I will tell you a secret, which maybe won't surprise any of you. This blog started after my MIL died. I was lost. So much had changed for me and so fast. I had go from working full time on a career path that I was good at but largely felt ambivalent about. Other than being a passionate advocate for my clients and enjoying the fact that I made really decent money for someone in her twenties. I could have cared less.
I started MBA school as a way out. I felt stuck and I knew that the soul sucking really couldn't continue much past my 30th birthday if I wanted to get out alive and whole.
Then that terrible day happened, that lovely Tuesday morning was shattered and we as a nation shattered with it. I don't think we have really gotten over it.
I got pregnant. After a year and a half of trying...
And I was trying to be a working mom and frankly, I was sucking at both some days. It is really hard. I resented my soul sucking job every single day. I wanted to be home with my baby, and felt guilty about that too. I was a modern woman. I had worked hard to get my degree and I had worked hard to prove myself to the world (of men in suits) that I was worthy.
I wanted to tell the world to f-off most days.
I left the corporate world to spend the summer with L and then return to MBA school full time. One year and I would have my degree and I would be ready to seek the next challenge.
Have I introduced you to E? He is a blessing and a treasure...
Having the kids changed my life...
As have the passings of my MIL and my mother this fall. My 30s have not been about what I thought they would be about.
Losing a baby, too...
I have felt, over the course of my 30s a bit like the female lead singer in this song... like I am losing my mind bit by bit... This ripping apart went soul deep. I started on a journey after my MIL died which has lasted until now. This shattering has been a boon to my creativity, if not a bit too much sometimes. I have learned new skills for managing this process and still being present in the day to day.
So much growth and accommodation, love and discovery.
The ship does indeed come to carry you safe to shore...
And I will say this, this group hails from Iceland. The strangest thing is, I felt at home in Iceland. Never mind that the sun is in overdrive in the summer and then hibernates nearly the entire winter. Never mind the land is flat and you can see for miles, until bam, there is a massive hill, or ravine or waterfall.
Below is a picture of a house in Iceland. They are built to withstand the mighty winds. I also think that they do actually talk... there is magic in the air all over Iceland.