That little voice in your head...

My favorite TV program of all time, I think, was Magnum PI. I mean, what was not to like - Hawaii, hot guy in shorts, fast car, ect. I mean - Hello!

But most of all I identified with his "little voice" - you know the one he used to solve the case.

I too have a little voice. Now, I have never been able to convince my little voice to help me do anything nearly as useful as solving crime. Oh, no. My little voice tells stories. My little voice likes to examine ideas - from every angle. My little voice yells at me when I am not paying it enough attention. My little voice is sneaky. It will leave me be, stay silent for days at a time and then it jumps out from behind closed doors at the damnedest times. Like when I am running on the treadmill. I will be running along - in comparative silence and poof! out of nowhere - it is right there in my head. My voice will be trying out ideas, describing something in vivid detail, or asking me really tough questions. It will literally demand my attention.

All of this aside, I rather like my little voice. It supplies me some great ideas from time to time. In someways it does help me unravel the great mysteries of my life. It can be very entertaining.

So where am I going with all of this? Well, I will tell you and honestly, for those of you who know me well, you already know. I have also hinted at it on the blog a bit of late.

I have decided to try and make it as a writer. It is what I have wanted to do for a very long time. I like to write (obviously, I keep this online journal.) I also think that what I have to say, seems to have some merit.

In the past, I have always talked myself out of pursuing this course of action. I have always convinced myself that I will not be good enough or that no one cares about my stories. My little voice has always taken great offense to this. In fact, it can be rather resentful that I think so lowly of our creations.

So - hear me now little voice - I have just announced that we are writing. I have taken on some freelance work, I have a short story almost done for an e*book submission contest and in about a month, I will hear if my short story submission to the Washington Post Magazine was accepted or not. Wow. So I have put it out there. (I have ideas and outlines for a full length novel or two. Oh, ok little voice - 4!)

This process has been a long time in coming. I have to say thanks to JS, for giving me the much needed push in the right direction. Also, thanks to all who have been reading my little efforts and practices. Always great to get feedback.

Now, if only my little voice will settle down and let me focus... I might actually get some serious work done!

So I am taking the plunge

Right, I did it. I bought a PC laptop. (Actually a DELL) I have solicited a ton of feedback from friends who would know. I looked around and then just did it. I have effectively blown the first two months payment for my new gig, but it is an investment in my future.....

So here goes nothing......

Really, should it be that hard?

I have taken on some freelance work. I am very excited about my new projects. I have taken a leap of faith and decided to pursue a dream. I am so very excited about this.

BUT.....

I am struggling with technology. I have a MAC. H loves MAC. He has been a die hard MAC guy since he was old enough to know what a computer was. He turned me onto MACs. I get them. They are easy to use. I am by no means a technocrat, but I am competent.

Well two of the projects I have taken on, use software that only works on a PC. MMMMM. In this day and age that seems short sighted. It also does not work well with the PC emulator software that we have. The problem with Virtual PC on the MAC is that it sucks up the memory and the overall performance fails. So that is a closed avenue.

But I really want to keep these projects, so I am thinking about getting a PC laptop..... only that seems to be a daunting task as well. What to get. How much to spend, is it worthwhile?

Questions, oh questions........

Out of the mouth of babe's

This is what L said to me yesterday:

"Mom, I really do not like riding in the car."

Me: "Well why not?"

L: "Because I cannot see your beautiful face."

Wow. What a gift to treasure......

Styrafoam cups blowing in the wind

As I drove with L today, to do some errands, I saw a styrofoam cup blowing in the wind and rolling along the street.

That is how I have been feeling for the last week or so. Exactly that. Sort of like I am blowing along in the wind, rather lost and not sure of what direction to head.

In reality, I do know what direction I am going, but a part of me has been lost in thought and sort of wrapped up in sorting out some feelings, that I have been ignoring my sense of direction and just blowing along in the wind.

On one hand it feels good to just go where the wind takes you, rather freeing. But on the other hand, the inherent danger is that you could be floating along and get run over by a car.