Music Monday: Meditation on Idenity

Natalie Imbruglia "Identify"

Footloose "Fake I.D." Music Video Official [HD] - Big & Rich ft. Gretchen Wilson

 

So both of these songs are new to me! Natalie I am very familiar with, just not this song. I am going to go out on a limb, because I do live under a rock, and say that some under-inspired Hollywood type is remaking Footloose. Ugh!

This election season, as annoying and divisive as it was, I do believe it raised some issues, which I think as a country, are bipartisan and need to be discussed, civilly and settled.

One is ID. In general. We as Americans like people to believe we are who we say we are because we say we are who we are. Many Europeans think we are crazy people, for not having some way to prove we are who we say we are! And before my Midwestern friends jump all over me and chant, driver's license, let us remember that not everyone drives in this country and I for one, am not convinced that the DMV, BMV or whatever you call your local license office is that high and tight with their process.  

I also think this would settle a number of issues, if implemented fairly and over a rolling period of time. This national ID would stop the crying over election fraud, medicare/Medicaid fraud and actually streamline the ID process. Everyone gets one and they get it for life. It seems updating pictures on a set interval would work too. I think it would require a study, but it might actually be cheaper, if there was one central card issuer and things like driving, social security, ect, would be add ones. (In Singapore, your national ID functions as your library card. Over kill perhaps, but it would be less to carry.)

The question however is deeper than that. It is about identity, which is different from identification.  The identification is actually just a classification. AMEX for years used the slogan "membership has its privileges." Yes, yes it does. Think about it. Every club you join has some sort of identification. Maybe a membership card. Maybe a uniform, maybe both.

I am not totally convinced, that the bulk of the election fraud crowd, isn't just a tiny, tiny bit worried that perhaps there are more and more people who don't look like them, who are voting. Perhaps the make up of their communities are not a homogenous as they used to be. I would like to refer people to the latest US census. There is a mathematical proof that the US is made up of a variety of people, even in the smallest of towns.

 

I am the first to admit I am ambivalent about the politics of immigration reform. Why? Because we have no clue what we are doing! We do not have a system for tracking people. I mean it is really easy, if you want to invest the funds. If someone stays over their VISA and is not trapped at JFK in the sterile zone due to a delay or cancellation,  you go find them ASAP. Why don't we do this? It is storm trooperish and gonzo expensive. That's why.

Also we have this anchor baby thing going on. Again, I have no real opinion on the custom of allowing citizenship to be based on being born in the US. In the 1790s, it made sense. In the 1800s it made sense. In 2012, does it still make sense?

And let's be frank. Sending the parents back and keeping the 5 year old makes no sense and frankly, sending the 5 year old packing with the parents, isn't ok either. The 5 year is an American. This is a questions with many ethical dilemmas. I think perhaps it is time to have that conversation.

Also we hear a ton about the boarders...  

Remember the hikers in Iran/Iraq who wandered over the boarder. Has anyone seen the boarder we share with Canada? In the woods? I doubt we have agents paroling in South Dakota. Honestly, the southern boarder is only marginally better. Unless we are willing to build a Wall, like the one that cut through Berlin and divided Germany, a trickle of those who are coming illegally, will continue to happen. I also am not sure, how one would secure the miles and miles of coast line we have. Is someone really going to set up monitoring stations every 50 feet? Fence off all the beaches. 

One way we like to monitor illegal immigration is to foist it off onto the employers. I think this is poor choice. First of all, not every business has the technology to verfy driver's licenses, ect. I had a client, who acquired a factory, that had kept employment records on paper, like they had for 50 years. They paid to have the last 5 yrs plugged into excel. What did I find, as I tried to sort the file for 401k purposes. Yep, found about 2 dozen guys with the exact same social... um, hello. With pencil and paper record keeping (which as of 8 years ago, still happened from time to time) how are you to know. I also do not think it is business's job to be the defacto INS. It puts them in a bit of a quandary and we are back to, how do we prove who belongs and who doesn't.

Back in the 1800s-- it was a bit easier. Everyone knew everyone. Strangers were, well strange. Now NYC is like a pool of strangers. Maybe you know someone in your building. Maybe you don't. I love that about NYC. The anonymity. It is nice. Sometimes.

I think we vote the way we do, because back in the day, we voted that way because there were WAY less of us and everyone knew everyone else. (Like in Iceland. Everyone knows everyone or knows someone who does. Strangers stick out. There are roughly 300,000 residents on the entire island.) I barely know my neighbors. On purpose. 

This year I voted early. No ID required. I filled out the card. The lady messed with the computer and made small talk, gave me a sticker. No ID. She did not know me from a ham sandwich.  While I am not completely comfortable with this, historically it makes sense. When our voter laws were written, when the custom of voting was set in the US, we likely all voted in the local one room school house or church basement. (As an aside, voting in a church makes me very uneasy...)

Today, the make up of our country is very different. We cannot look at someone on the street and say, "She is an American and He is not." Visual ID isn't going to work. Shouldn't be allowed to work any longer. Skin color and clothing choices no longer are a mark of membership in the club.

E and I had a chat a few months ago. 

Someone had told his Indian buddy, he should go back where he came from. This got E wondering, "where did we come from. Where would we go back to?"

I told him that was complex and easy. If we had to go back to where Daddy was from, it was a slam dunk. Fatherland here we come! H is 100% German.

I pose a more complicated ethic picture. On my mother's side it is Wales and England. My maternal grandmother was a Jones. Her relation-- Davy Jones, was a Squirrel Hunter.   My maternal grandfather was some mix of English. It is a smidgen dubious.

On my father's side, it is even more dubious. Some mix of German, Irish, Scot-Irish, and Native American.

E commented that it would be easier to work with Daddy's heritage.

You think?

What we have is an identity crisis as a whole and an identification crisis. There aren't any easy answers to these questions.  That said, the census data is clear, the face of America is changing and rapidly. The old ways are not serving their purpose and frankly some shouldn't.

Time is changing. Are we prepared to change with it is the real question. 

  

Group Insurance and "Bogus Choices"

So here is a comment I ran into a few weeks ago on NARAL OH's page:

I find it ironic how people demand freedom of choice to have sex using birth control and then get an abortion while in the same breath demanding that it be funded by others who do not hold the same values. Why is it that one group feels it can force another to violate its moral conscience. If people want to use birth control and or get an abortion why can't they pay for it on their own dime. People need to stop making other people pay for their bad choices and actions and start taking responsibility for their own actions. This ultimately is what the real issue is here, but it seems that folks who demand pro-choice don't want to hear that. Instead what they hear when subsidized funding is going to be taken is that their rights are being violated allowing them to make their own decision. But really if people want to make their own decisions then they should get to pay for them to.

This was my reply:

Actually -- when we participate in all insurance we pay for things we may or may believe in. For example, I don't for one minute think people should consume any artificial colors or favors and fake sugars or  high fructose corn syrup. I am pretty sure a huge portion of my health insurance dollars are going to cover diabetic treatments and hypertension drugs for people who have failed to look after their weight and health appropriately. But that is part of deal. Don't even get me started on people who choose to smoke, knowing the risks and then want me to cover their O2 supplies and or cancer treatments. Hello, it is scientific fact that smoking leads to lung cancer and other lung diseases. But because I understand how insurance works-- I pay my premium-- even though I really do not approve of those other people's choices.

Maybe people who don't want to pay for birth control or abortion as standards of ob/gyn care as approved by the FDA and various medical boards and medical ethics committees should, oh I don't know go find your own insurance and leave the test of us who get how group insurance works alone.

Let's indulge in a little Business 101-- which I am qualified to teach-- seeing as I have earned an MBA...

Insurance Company Profit = earned premium + investment income - incurred loss - underwriting expenses.

So this is the basic business model for ALL insurance. The idea behind insurance is transferring or sharing risk. We can quibble all day-- about earned premium and how to define it, in terms of health insurance it is the money we pay in premium from our pay combined with our employer contribution (which is why COBRA is so blooming expensive-- you pay the whole entire amount... yours and your former employers.)

When a independent business owner(solo practitioner) or freelancer goes to an insurance provider, often times they purchase an individual contract, the rules for those are different, there is more risk to the insurance company, they are insuring one person or one family. Group insurance, like what most of us have at work, the rates are based on the pool of people and not the individuals. As such this is why there are no physicals and many of these plans are covered by ERISA-- which is a complex set of Federal guidelines which cover all manner of employee benefit plans. (Big Gov't is already nosing around your insurance. Has been since the 60s.)

So even though I am fit and active and eat a super healthy mostly organic diet, the person two cubes over might well smoke, gobble Doritos, never drink anything but Coke, and refuse to climb stairs. They might well choose to do drugs on the weekends or on the flip side engage in weekend warrior behaviors that their body is really not up for... I get no say in that. They get to make their own choices. We all pay a premium based on the group's overall costliness annually.

Let's go back to our formula:

Insurance Company Profit = earned premium + investment income - incurred loss - underwriting expenses.

Ever since insurance companies became publicly traded companies, the Profit is basically guaranteed. No CEO is going to steer the company in a direction that does not generate shareholder (his) wealth. Not. Going. To. Happen.

So the Insurance company will do their best to control costs of underwriting and administration (aka loss), they will seek to curb the benefits paid out (EOB with bullshit exclusions and other delay tactics designed to just not pay claims) and other limits to what they will and won't pay for. I am not saying fairly and disclosed limits are not kosher. They are. Asking people to pay a portion of the costs is fair-- if it is clearly disclosed.

(self funded plans are another animal, but the idea is the same... yearly surplus is substituted for Insurance company profits and ERISA governs the proper use of this as well.)

Another way to ensure profit is to continually raise premium costs to participants. I have never not had a premium increase on a year over year basis. Once-- at my first job out of college, we got a rebate. A small one. Not nearly equal to what we paid a month in premium.

So we all pay for life style choices we may not agree with. Most major religions come with prohibitions and some overlap and others are in direct opposition. We all pay for our co-workers' lifestyle choices which are in direct conflict with our own.

I say for as long as our employers demand we pay a portion of the premium, any portion, then we all should have a say in the coverage. Or there should just be a standard of coverage which is universal. Sex is no more a risky or costly choice than smoking. They both have known and frankly quantifiable, in terms of costs, possible outcomes which impact the underwriting of insurance. Insurance companies have priced out the cost of every sneeze and hangnail.

So I think we have a few choices-- nix group health insurance and have it be every man, woman and child for themselves. Individual policies all around. Which would be pricey, but technically speaking no one would be paying for other people's choices. (although that likely isn't exactly true. Insurance companies pool their premium dollars, so this would be to their benefit, they charge more for individual policies and still have a pool of dollars to invest and pay out, but technically speaking your premium would be based solely on you and your families health and choices, and age.)

Or we just take some time to understand how group insurance works and accept that discrimination isn't really in any of our best interest, because I am not all that tolerant of smokers and I know I have shouldered the burden of their "choices" to poison themselves and their loved ones for years... way longer than I was ever on birth control... and I am willing to bet next month's premium it costs us all alot more to cover smokers and smoking related illness than comprehensive gynecological care ever will.

So unless we are going to not cover people who are smoking because of the choices they are making-- I think the argument that childbearing and birth control and family planning are "choices" is bogus.

Things I am afraid to tell you...

I got this from Allie, over at Show & Tell. She inspired my post

Sometimes we read to escape and sometimes we read to obtain knowledge, we read to be informed (I think of this kind of reading as work), sometimes we read for pleasure (crazy I know, but honestly one of the main reasons I read is to be entertained.)

Sometimes what we read is exactly what we need to read at exactly the right moment. I know this is true for writers and probably designers. Creativity does not come from a vacuum, generally speaking. We need to feed it. As a writer I write better when I am reading actively. As a creative person, I work best when I am around creative energy.

Lately, I have come to the conclusion that I have been fighting a couple losing battles and I will say it out loud, I have not been myself. Have I been depressed in the classic sense, no. Have I been moving slowly and certainly more or less uninspired. Yes. Now I suspect that most of the people around me have been painfully aware of this fact. My editor noticed it when I submitted my last piece for the Naked Sunfish. A few friends have hinted at it.

It came screaming at me the other day-- I am overwhelmed, not tackling things in my usual way and frankly I can see as I emerge from this dark period, that um, hello, I was busy grieving and ergo not creating.

In keeping with this challenge, I will list 5 things I am or have been afraid to give voice to:

1. Sad-- I covered it above. I have been lost, sad, creatively uninspired or if inspired unable to find my voice. Newsflash-- I am still kinda sad. Maybe one stays sad for a really long time, I don't know. I feel the creative urges getting stronger, but I think I left more than my mother behind that rainy day at the cemetery. I really wasn't ready to leave her. I wasn't ready for her to leave me. I wouldn't have wanted her to stay and suffer, but I really wasn't ready to say good by either, despite what I told her that night as she struggled so. I told her it was ok for her to go, because that was the right thing to say. However-- I wasn't ready and I am not happy about it at all.

2. I have a freaky and sometimes debilitating auto-immune disorder of unspecified etiology. I also don't like limitations. I like to think of my self as a human supergirl. I have always pushed hard, to be my best, to be the best. I am competitive sometimes and I am by nature and perhaps by nurture a hard worker. I tend to give 120% whether you want it or not. Anything worth doing is not only worth doing perfectly, but flawlessly. I also think there is no situation you cannot prevent with enough planning and proper execution. It might be said that I am sometimes a freaky perfectionist. (Ok you don't have to agree immediately, you could mull it over already.)

Recently I read this blog post: The Spoon Theory.

Understand, I am not nearly as sick as the author of this post, but it resonated with me all the same. I know alot of people do not like this blog post. I really don't care, the bottom line is it spoke to me.

For my birthday this past summer, my mom and spent some time together. I knew it would be the last birthday we had. She had gotten me a vintage owl sun catcher. He is really adorable. She did not feel up to an outing.

My mother is partially responsible for some of my perfectionist tendencies. She also has been the voice of unheeded reason for a long time. She made me promise that I would take care of myself. Stop pushing, live within my physical limitations.

I hate it. I am afraid you will think I am lazy or unmotivated. I am not complaining and I know there are a ton of people who are worse off, but the reality is sometimes I feel like a Mack truck hit me, or I ache all over, or my tummy is royally pissed, or I am getting over my tummy being royally pissed and taking it out on me for days! I hate feeling like you will pity me or think I am a hypochondriac. My biggest fear is you will think "it is all in my head." Some auto-immune disease others can see, they are written on the skin, mine is inside and hidden and I fear being thought of as lazy or crazy.

It is hard for me to admit that I am physically unable to do all the things I want to do. It is hard for me to admit that I really do need at least 8 hours of sleep to function. It is hard for me to admit that I have to now plan my time wisely and that I cannot operate in the super hyperdrive I would prefer to operate in. Nope. I have to plan ahead, sleep wisely, eat wisely and live within my limitations. Did I mention I dislike limitations.

This reality means that for the moment, a full-time job and the full-time mostly single mother gig are indeed mutually exclusive.

3. I do not like beets. I know, I am a super foodie and a health nut, but frankly I do not like beets very much. I also do not like mashed potatoes or potatoes much at all. I will east sweet potatoes, but honestly just a baked sweet potato is as boring as a baked russet potato. I am likewise not a huge fan of turnips either. (Or mashed cauliflower for that matter.)

It is a texture thing. Truly it is.

4. I can't seem to finish a novel. There I said it. I have two half written novels, both of which I think are good stories. I want to finish them, but I haven't. Every time I think I have an idea to carry me thru I stop. This summer I am going to try, try to finish one of them.

I know many writers think their work isn't any good. I know people struggle with this all the time.

But I am afraid to admit that I steam ahead and then lose focus. Maybe I need some accountability or maybe the story just isn't ready to be done yet. I don't know.

5. You do not get the whole truth here. I know I talk about truth telling and transparency and make no mistake, I am not lying to you. That said, you get an edited and a "what I feel comfortable posting for the world to read." version of my life. I am always honest. Many of you reading I know (which sometimes makes it harder, actually) but many of you I don't. There is a real balance between what is public and private. What I am comfortable putting out there and what I would prefer to keep to myself.

Sometimes when I meet people, who have met me through Twitter or my blog, think they really know me. They don't. They know a little part of me. The part I have decided is ok for people to get to know. My readers can stay anonymous, I the blogger am not.

Utopia

I am not your average MBA.

But then you all knew that. In fact I have an undergraduate degree in American Studies and German. An odd combo, I know, I know. While I would do it differently, if I had known then, what I know now, I do think a liberal arts education has value. I do. I think it is important to actually read history, to dive into it. To firmly understand that which you are embracing or rejecting.

The other night I was having a discussion with someone very close to me and he, I think was shocked when I said Marx was actually part of a group of or at least very much influenced by Utopians. Also, while Marx gets all the credit and as such all the vitriol disdain, he did not come up with much of those political and philosophical theories on his own. His buddy Friedrich Engels was very much a part of this process and many regard Friedrich as the superior philosopher.

Furthermore, these men were philosophers, not politicians. They were educated men, who wrote and discussed their ideas. They were often employed as tutors or journalists. As with most intellectuals,  writers and philosophers, it is about theoretical world building. Neither Marx, nor Engels or any of the many Utopian theorists from the French Revolution until the early 20th century actually thought about the practicality of their ideas. They were not offering a tested blueprint. It was theory. It was reactionary to the society around them. It was intellectual discourse.

In fact, much of what Marx and Engels were writing, up to and including the Communist Manifesto was reactionary, not only to the society they saw around themselves but in direct response to and as a critic of what other socialists were writing. Think of it as the Wimbledon of intellectual tennis.

What is exceedingly interesting to me, is that they were not alone in this thinking. Socialism as means of social organization can trace its roots back to early Greek philosophers. What is interesting is why does it suddenly become the hot bed of intellectualism in the early 1800s in France and Germany? (Prussia, more specifically.) Also why do these French, German other Continental philosophers keep getting themselves exiled?

They got themselves exiled because they were challenging the established power structure. This is post the successful American revolution and the less successful French one. Remember this anti aristocracy movement, this socialist movement started with thinkers and philosophers who were writing in the 1700s. The same writers and thinkers who influenced the framers of our Constitution. The ideas of democracy and republic and socialism all spring from the same well. These ideas are in direct challenge to the idea that certain people, based upon their divine right/accident of birth, get to rule and control all the resources. All the resources.

In Europe, you had a system of men, who through the ages held power (Ruled) based solely on their birth order and a series of fairly violent power grabs. (some people might call that war.) They hold power through marriage alliances, intimidation and through alliances of equals. (I argued in college, the first cartels were the European aristocracy and their many alliances.) Entry to this game is fixed in such a way that only those with the correct pedigree, ability to curry favor, and so forth can play. The price of entry is exceedingly high.

The percentage of the Europeans who can play in the game is exceedingly small.

This wonderful world is made possible at the total expense of the have nots. The farmers, the artisans, the working class. The taxation was amazing, up to and including payment with your life. These people had no voice. None. In fact they did not count.

I would say that by the 1800s, things were changing. We were seeing the rise of manufacturing, which in some ways was opening the political (power structure) somewhat. The have nots were finding ways to make more money. Money was the ticket into, albeit begrudgingly, the game.

The Socialists however saw the emerging capitalist model by the late 1800s as an exchange of one beast for another. From one system of exploitation for another. They did not see the average working person's life improved by the Industrial Capitalist system taking hold in large European cities in the 1850s.

My point. My point you say?

My point is we still haven't resolved any of these questions. My point is we still have a political system which is controlled largely by a group of people, who limit the ability of those they rule over to have any real participation. Corporations, run by the best educated and very wealthy, now own every single member of Congress. They likely on a smaller scale own those in the State legislatures. The rules of the game still favor those with the consolidation of power. (Politicians and Corporate leaders.) Many enter this game based (in the US) on their family name (dynasty-- Kennedy, Bush, to name a few) or through patronage (Obama???)

I am not saying Marx was right. He was no more right or wrong than Saint-Simon or Charles Fourier or even Thomas Jefferson. 

What I am saying is before people spout anti-Marxist rhetoric or point the finger at the evils of Karl Marx, they have to understand what he was actually writing about and why. Taking his work out of context and not understanding the intellectual climate of when that work was created does no one any good. That his work was read by others and they created a movement is another matter entirely. Marx dealt in theory, not practice. Lenin, Stalin, Mao, they were the practitioners, inspired by what they had read.

Marx's Manifesto was never designed to be a how to manual. I think every Marxist Utopian colony and likely government has/is going to fail because Marx fails to take into account a basic human motivator-- envy and its evil cousin, greed.

In fact many Utopian theorist and socialists, Marx and Engels included, looked down on those Utopian thinkers, who actually tried to test out these ideas in practice. Socialist scientists (a term Marx and Engels coined) were not welcome in the intellectual exchange or discourse. Marx and Engels did not see themselves as architects of evil or as practitioners of social change, they were philosophers and theorists. They were intellectuals, philosophers, writers.

I wonder, how many members of Congress have actually read Marx. I have. In German and English, thank you very much. I spent a summer reading a good chunk of what Marx and Engels wrote. I think before people can reject something, they have to first seek to understand it and its social context.

Before you call someone a Marxist, it would be helpful if you actually understand what Marx was saying and more importantly-- why.

Doors

Our house is a very traditional neo-federal style house. It has very simple lines and not uncommon to this simple house style, a market or tradesman's door. It is the first door you come to along the front walk.

This door leads into the hallway and nearly directly into the kitchen. Hence the name, Market door or Tradesman's door. At our house this door has another wonderful feature; it is covered.

Let's recap. The market door is closest to the driveway and covered.

And yet - this is how Fedex keeps addressing the delivery of packages on rainy days:

 

FedEx and the USPS are the only ones who choose a plastic bag over the covered porch.

 

As we can all see here, even on what had been a very rainy and windy night and morning, the covered porch is nice and dry.

So that begs the questions, which is superior? My covered porch or the the thin as can be, won't stop a serious rain, plastic bag?

A new series

I am having a writers identity crisis. My writers block is never the absence of ideas, it is always an overwhelming abundance. I do write creatively, but I do not post those writings here. I used to post them to my VOX blog, but VOX as a platform shut down well over a year ago. I miss VOX a bit. It is where I got my blogging start. I have copies of all I had posted there, but I have not reposted much of that content. I could - I have a blog for my alter ego, but reposting can be a chore. Maybe I will give some of the good bits again, it couldn't hurt I suppose.

My creative work routinely appears in the Naked Sunfish. It is an honor to publish with that group of talented writers. In the last few years I have only missed on issue and that was the issue around the time my mother passed away, I was just not up for writing, much of anything at that point.

For awhile, I was writing and publishing over at Stiletto Woman. I actually like writing about business. I think business is interesting. (I know right, I have an MBA.) I am a business geek in many ways, less interested in actually do business but more interesting in understanding how other people do business. I am interested in what businesses say they do and comparing that to how they actually do it.

I am also flexing my creative muscles of late. I enjoy the creation process. I used to think I had no art talent. Let's face it, I can't draw. I really can't and in school, most of our art classes where drawing intensive. Honestly, there is so much more to art than drawing. In high school, I gave up on art because I was tired of being told I wasn't an artist because I couldn't draw.

I still can't draw, but my definition of art has expanded greatly. I am committed to exploring this creative side of me. (In case the photos on this blog haven't been a clue or anything.)

Focus has been an issue for me and over the coming months, you may see some changes to the blog. (This may include a move to Word Press - I am undecided - but there are so many cool plug ins and gadgets. The cool kids often say they are on WP, I will let other cooler people decide that.) I never set out to have any focus, it was random, is random and in many ways that is its edge, it is very much where I am in the moment, I am on the edge... the edge of something great, the edge of writing something I am very proud, the edge of my parenting sanity, the edge of a project, on the edge of an idea... it really is hard to say. Sometimes the world around me, particularly popular media, news or what have you will push me to my edge.

All of that has its place. At least in my head and this is my struggle. Do I write this blog to please me or am I writing it for a given readership.

The answer is I don't know. I don't know which master I want to serve. Do I want this space to be a place where I can write what pleases me or should I become more focused for the sake of my readers (if I even have any readers.) I will admit, sometimes of late I have been testing out various social media ideas, in part to satisfy my curiosity and in part to just see what will happen. This blog is not and will not be about commanding an audience or achieving any type of social media rank. I am not looking of advertisers, not here. This is my own playground.

And sometimes I am unfaithful to this blog. I keep other blogs elsewhere. One is private and the other one is sporadic at best. That is how I have been focused in the past - I segmented in order to be focused. Weird I know...

For now, I will commit to my faithful readers and new readers and to the guy who is reading this because he got here by accident while googling Post Cards from the Edge for his mother in law, to the following reasonably regular feature. I say reasonably regular because my schedule is fluid and I do not want to tied down to a schedule.

1. Music Monday. This may not be every Monday, but I like this feature and it is fun to write.

2. Social Media - I am becoming increasing obsessed with social media and I am thinking of doing a round up on articles or providing some sort of comment about social media.

3. My DIY and Craft features. I like writing these. I like sharing my creative process.

4. Travel bits. I still owe you all some pictures of Iceland and I aim to deliver, soon.

5. Gluten free and cooking tips. This is an on an off again offering.

6. Reviews when and if I have something I want to share. I shop in sporadic bursts, there is no telling about my shopping mood.

This is the working list for now. I also think there will be another category - like other... sometimes I just have things on my mind and I am going to share it.

Write me a letter

I shot this pic a few weeks ago. I posted it to instagram and made some comments. It is a letter to my maternal grandfather from his half brother. Oliver. My grandfather was raised by his paternal grandmother in Thurman, Ohio. His mother had "run off" or perhaps more correctly left his father and return home to the Akron area. She was a career woman. She worked as a telephone operator. My maternal great-grandfather was a real peace of work, although as the story goes he wasn't much for actual work, drifting from one odd job to another.

As the story goes Oliver was only a few years younger than my grandfather and was a happy go lucky kind of guy. Amy Jane, my maternal great-grandmother, did not stay married to Oliver's father very long at all either, if in fact she was actually married, as no one could really say if she was actually divorced from my maternal great grandfather.

My grandfather did complete high school and worked a variety of odd jobs in his teens and early twenties. This is all in the mid to late 1920s. He drove a truck from the "hills" up to Columbus on a fairly regular basis, hauling whatever he could find. Christmas trees, coal, lumber, whatever. My cousin, who I have always thought of more as an Uncle, remembers times when they only ate meat because my grandfather had stopped to visit them and brought some, from either down home or he bought it with some of his earnings.

Oliver apparently had been visiting the family at the time the letter was written and had found work at a beer garden or brewery in the Akron area and was explaining to my grandfather that he should come north where the jobs were plentiful.

I am not sure if my grandfather gave this serious thought or not, because shortly after this letter was written Oliver was killed. He was struck by lightening while standing under a tree.

Eventually my grandparents did leave Gallia County and came to Columbus. My grandfather got a job as a "fireman" on the rail road and made a living slinging coal for a number of years. He also worked second and third shift in a factory in what is now the Short North, during the war making munitions. A stick ball injury and a bum ear drum kept him out of the army. The railroad rented them a house on Central Avenue in the early years and later they moved to Grove City and bought a house of their own. This was an accomplishment for two people who left "the hills" with little more than their car and the clothes on their backs. After trying to make a living "down home" they faced the facts and moved. They had no other choice.

Later my grandfather worked at the Ohio Penn, which is now the Arena Distract. He survived the riots and would tear up, telling the story of an inmate who shoved him in a small closet, full of mops and buckets saying, "Captain, you be a kind man and a fair man, and I don't want to see you get hurt, but if you stay out here in the thick of it, they kill you. They want you all dead."

He did survive the riots, he was taken to the hospital for smoke inhalation. The man who locked him away, died in the riots. Most likely shot by corrections officers or killed by an inmate who had witnessed him tucking my grandfather away safely.

I found this letter, tucked in with a box of my mom's sewing stuff. Why? I have no idea. I know there is a box of other letters tucked away still at her place, which is actually now my brother's place.

This letter got me thinking. How will we keep our family histories in the digital age? I seldom keep emails, I just read them, act on them and delete them. Sometimes I keep really special notes and cards, but then again, I don't get long letters these days. Even just 20 years ago, when I was a teenager, I wrote long letters. Sometimes in English to friends in the States and much of the time in German to my pen pals and such.

For historians, letters have been a wonderful window to the past. But what if their aren't letters? What if we have no first hand accounts of life, as normal people lived it. Will my blog survive for my great grandchildren to read? (goodness I sure hope so) With all the changes to technology and the possible electromagnet changes, servers and hard drives could be erased in a blink of the eye.

As the pencil fades and the paper weathers, this note penned in a masculine scrawl, from a man I never met and who lived a very short life, is a piece of my family's past, which is fading away with each passing year.

Looking Back...

Two days ago, I revamped my blog a bit. I believe this is the third time I have changed it around, updated the lay out, changed the colors. (The third time I have made a major tweak.) I like it.

As part of this process, I reread some of my early entries. I started this blog in December 2006. This was my first post; I am the queen of creative titles let me tell you. It was shocking to see myself talking about my 4 year old. (Yikes she is now 9.) Also I was cleaning away clutter back then. (I am still struggling with clutter, today.)

In 2006 my MIL had recently passed away, in 2011 my mother passed away. My MIL never read my blog, my mother read it often. During December 2006, H and I were cleaning out his mother's house and preparing it for sale. In December 2011, H and I (and my brother) have been cleaning out my mother's house, preparing it for my brother to move in.

I only wrote a few entries in 2006, but in 2007 I wrote alot. I wrote about missing my MIL,  about my miscarriage in 2004, the kiddos and I adventure to Germany for Easter, how JFK actually stands for Just Freakin' Klueless, I wrote about sex (more than once), I wrote some book reviews like this one, I came down hard on the barbaric practice of FGM, I blogged about my first rejection, I talk about my mother's rediagnosis with thyroid cancer, I blogged about my food issues, it occurred to me I might be too old to read Cosmo, I come to terms that my "baby" is becoming a "little dude", and I mention Iceland on my blog.

That was all in the first year of blogging. It was great fun wandering around the archives of my blog. I have been writing for a long time. Honestly, in 2010, I almost gave up the blog all together, but last year, with the help of the photo contests, I keep it alive, even though I was very busy, stretched very thin and emotionally exhausted the latter part of 2011.

I am committed to another year of blogging in 2012. I do enjoy it, even if not that many people are reading my posts. I still haven't decided if I am going post regular features or go with the flow. For now we wait and see.

What Can I Do...

I haven't written about my mother's battle with cancer for some time. I kept starting and then I would stop, then start and then stop. Two weeks ago, I started and stopped.

Today I decided I should finish, only I can't. If you are a Tweep or a Facebook Friend you know that last week my mother lost her battle with thyroid cancer. It was a long and very brave battle!

When L was 5 months old, mom had her thyroid removed and underwent radioactive iodine treatment. Twice.

We thought that was it. Hormone replacement for life and all was well.

Until she underwent pre-op testing for a cervical corpectomy about 5 years ago and a routine chest x-ray turned up some strange spots. A PET scan, an MRI and a lung biospy,  and countless doctor visits later we knew... thyroid cancer... again.

After specialized radio-iodine failed to achieve the results we hoped for, we were out of options. Mom had always said she wouldn't do a clinical trial. She had seen patients who had been subjected to all sorts of experimental drugs. A good friend had participated in a few studies for breast cancer and had cautioned mom on the trials of a clinical trial. She had always said she wouldn't be a lab rat. It just wasn't what she wanted.

My mother changed her mind.

I know what or rather who swayed her. She was a 2 years old blondie with screaming blue eyes and she ran over to us in the waiting room at the super Endo's office one morning and squatted down, covered her eyes, and yelled "peek a boo!" and then burst into a riot of giggles. Her mother came over to collect her, a healing surgery scar and a worn out look in her eyes.

In that moment, I knew my mother was going to try the experimental chemo. People don't go see the super Endo, when their cancer is under-control. My mom was seeing visions of that happy little girl growing up without her mama. Mom was also very worried about L and I... and my brother - altho thyroid cancer affects men less frequently -  in fact she was worried about us in the last days of her life. Some thyroid cancers are genetic. I already have autoimmune issues and while L is still young, mom worried.

The chemo was tough, but it worked for awhile. The side effects became too much and the effectiveness questionable.

The cancer had won. We all knew it and we set about enjoying the last weeks and months. The end came sooner than we expected. We knew we were driving down a tunnel with no light at the end, but neither my brother or I knew how close to impact we were.

So now we are sitting quietly, thinking, assessing and figuring out how one goes on.

I have to say my friends and loved ones - my family - has been amazing. We have been well loved, well fed, we are basking in all the energy people have sent our way.

That said - I do want something. I have an answer to the question - "Is there anything I can do?" Today during YOGA it came to me - this is what everyone can do for me.  Learn about your thyroid. Learn about the signs of thyroid cancer. Don't ignore feelings of fatigue, a persistent sore throat, sudden weight changes and changes to your skin and hair.

If you feel off - see your doctor. Ask about a thyroid check. There is no way to know what the outcome would have been had my mother not taken the "oh it is early menopause" as an explanation early on...

So that is what you can all do... promise me you will take care of your thyroids. Women are more likely to develop thyroid cancer but it does occur in men. In fact the men in the clinical trial were showing wonderful results on the study drug... the women, not as much.

Sure we all burn the candle at both ends sometimes. Sometimes we drink too much, sleep too little, say "NO" too infrequently - but being tired is very different than feeling fatigued or so exhausted you can't move.

The down side of all of this is some problems with the thyroid are largely asymptomatic. So next time you have a physical, visit your doctor, or have blood work done, ask your doctor to tack on a thyroid panel. It can't hurt.

At least have the conversation - because that is what you all can do for me!

Music Monday: Beatles - Birthday

I know - I wasn't here last week and this week is a drive by! Happy 4th of July! Stay safe while you and your neighbors try to blow each other up with explosives. I mean really roman candles are fun and all, but perhaps you should opt for the more traditional cake and candles. Beer and fire never mix, ba ba baoom...

I will spare you  the civics lesson, but I will remind everyone, as a nation, a culture we are barely hitting our teens. As with all teenagers we are prone to an inflated sense of importance and are generally self absorbed.

That said tip your hat to those men and women, who have given their lives for your freedom. They have believed enough in freedom and the American way of life, to go to war and die. They fought for our freedoms, including my right to speak my mind on this blog.

Attention elected officials - get a clue - you are in service to the people at the peoples pleasure - it is high time you remember that... because on this great day, there are a great many of you, who I do not salute, who I think need a kick in the ass and so many of you make us as Americans look bad. While I am proud to be an American, I am ashamed to have you representing me in any way.

So go out, eat, drink and be merry! A birthday is a celebration of another year coming to pass and to all the future years yet to come. Today we will hit our communities parade and go to one of our favorite parks to see the fireworks.

Music Monday: Beatie Boys Intergalactic

Beastie Boys - Intergalactic 

You have to watch this video. It is completely campy and crazy.

But I think therein lies what I want to talk about. Being creative, being silly, being willing to enjoy something for the sake of enjoying it. Being willing to imagine, push the envelope. This video is a spoof on all the B-movies, which envision aliens and there is a bit of a Godzilla vibe. Imagination. We credit imagination as being childish or for those certain select few, the artists, the poets, the others. Imagination is not grown up (unless we call it innovation and then it is a 50-50 shot, is it grown up imagination or bullshit dressed up.) I say those who think imagination is only for children are those who are trapped and unwilling to push, unwilling to try. There is no age limit on imagination.

For those who know me, I am not a fan of the mindless film or slapstick or anything which resembles MTV's series Jackass, but that does not mean I am serious all the time. There is a time to be serious and there is a time to be lighthearted. What I am not lacking is imagination.

There is also a time to step outside of ourselves and challenge our notions. I have all but tuned out most traditional news outlets, in part because it makes me sad and angry. All this news is filled with hate and violence and there is no love or compassion. There is no willingness on the part of people, to take a deep breath and say, "wow, that is different from how I see it, but let's explore that..." there is no willingness on the part of other people to say, "wow that is how I thought we always did it, but look there are X number of people doing something else successfully, let's explore how that is possible." Let's explore and LEARN.

Instead of hiding behind notions of "that is HOW we have always done it" or "that is how GOD/ALLAH/JEHOVAH has said we must do it" let's consider that Galileo was told repeatedly the world couldn't possibly be round, because everyone knew it wasn't.

 Looks round to me...

What if in the 50s and 60s, those scientists had defaulted to "oh, we could never land on the moon, humans have never been to the moon and that is just how it is suppose be."

(OK I will give you it is hard to tell in the space suits, but my guess is the guys dancing there, they are humans.)

The reality is we have to as people stop letting our prejudices and  fears get in the way of seeing that we are all on this planet together, that there are real problems which must be addressed and when everyone is telling you that "is how we have always done it" it is because that person fears change or they fear the inevitable loss of power. Chains of power are both reassuring and choking.

 

Let's consider what some people more famous than I have said:

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
George S. Patton

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination2.html#ixzz1PouR1a7v

OR

People who lean on logic and philosophy and rational exposition end by starving the best part of the mind.
William Butler Yeats

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination2.html#ixzz1PougcRuf

OR

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.
Edgar Allan Poe

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination3.html#ixzz1Pov1iFNR

OR

We imagine that we want to escape our selfish and commonplace existence, but we cling desperately to our chains.
Anne Sullivan Macy

Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_imagination3.html#ixzz1PovOMAv2

My challenge to you is to take a minute and examine your beliefs? Are they yours or are they the ones someone else told you, you should have? Are you dreaming only at night. Have you given up on imagination? Are you too serious or important to imagine?

Is Patton right, is someone not thinking???

The answer, I doubt is Intergalactic Plan-a-tery.