I thought about making this post about Dads - but then as I was thinking about it this afternoon, while watching Mr. M - our neighbor try to teach his 3 year son, his 7 year old daughter, L & E - the basics of back yard football, I decided that it is not a Dad or Mom issue - but rather it is about the other parent. In our neighborhood it is mainly Dad, in other places it might be the working mom married to the stay at home dad or in other family dynamics it might very well be my "other Mommie" or "my other Daddy." What I am driving at is the parent that does not spend most of their time nurturing the child, not the primary caregiver.
I have noticed this very profoundly in our family. H is way more motivated to let them do things for themselves. Not that I am not focused on independence, but he is in different way. L is washing her own hair and using the shower attachment to rinse it herself. I can assure you I did not teach her this. No way. Like I need a bathroom overflowing with water - at 7 pm after a long day of nurturing. E is now washing his own hair and waiting for someone to rinse it for him. Did I teach him this - no way - I wash him up as fast as possible, moving on to the next task.
But H, who is gone alot - will come home and on his days here, roll up his sleeves and dive right into the parenting. He is not afraid to take a chance. He maintains it is because he is lazy and wants them to be able to handle it all on their own in the near future. What do they say, "teach a man to fish......"
I have been viewing the tasks from the point of view of how much more work can this cause me - after an already long day, whereas H is viewing these tasks as how can I make life easier in the coming days.
It is also like this I think at the park. H will let - no encourage them to take risks, to grow - whereas I am more careful, I want everyone safe and in one piece. L would still be on the little slides - if H had not stepped in and taught how to climb the ladders and go for it.
Today Mr. M was charged with the task of explaining to his 3 year old, why incidental pushing and tackling while playing football is ok - but not ok otherwise. It was a talk he was having to have at each play. No matter how tedious it is a lesson worth learning.
Watching this and thinking about H and I's discussion about self help in the tub, made me think about the importance of the "Other parent." The one who is not always the day to day care giver but plays a vital role in the child's development.
As an aside - this observation is not to say that single mom's and dad's cannot raise kids. Not in the least - I am for all intense and purposes 4 or so days a week - a single mother. I can only imagine what it is like to never have the calvary come to the rescue. It must be an uphill battle all the way.
This entry is however about my observation of the dynamic I have witness and thought to comment on. It does take a village to raise a child - I think and I am further discovering that it everyone in the village has a role to play.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Life's little adventures...
Today I am sleepy - both little angels decided they really needed my company - IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! But it is all good, right my biggest concern today was laundry, the dishwasher repair guy and making jack-o-lanterns - in the grand scheme of life - nothing earth shattering.
As I walked to get L from Kindergarten - though the night of next to no sleep was catching up with me. I was feeling tired. I thought, oh - I can make it a few more hours - surely nothing else will come up.
Well, as it happens as we walked home, the neighbor's little white dog falls in step with us. I had a vague notion where the little guy belongs - and it is not on our street. So I stop him, check his tags - thank goodness he had some - and then told L & E were were going on a little adventure. I fashioned a leash for him out of spare stuff in the garage and we head off, L walking, me with little dog and stroller - E riding in style.
After we dropped off the little guy, L says - "well, that felt good Mommie - we did a good deed and got him safe and sound back with his Mommie. Let's go home and have a snack."
Let's indeed.
As I walked to get L from Kindergarten - though the night of next to no sleep was catching up with me. I was feeling tired. I thought, oh - I can make it a few more hours - surely nothing else will come up.
Well, as it happens as we walked home, the neighbor's little white dog falls in step with us. I had a vague notion where the little guy belongs - and it is not on our street. So I stop him, check his tags - thank goodness he had some - and then told L & E were were going on a little adventure. I fashioned a leash for him out of spare stuff in the garage and we head off, L walking, me with little dog and stroller - E riding in style.
After we dropped off the little guy, L says - "well, that felt good Mommie - we did a good deed and got him safe and sound back with his Mommie. Let's go home and have a snack."
Let's indeed.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
21 Big lessons from Little Kids REVISED: 21 things I have learned since I have become a mom
H brings me magazines all the time. Newspapers too! He collects them on his trips. It is great fun to get these every time he comes home. This trip he brought me a copy of Men's Health Sept. 2007. (BTW this is a great publication and the recipes they have every month are Yummy and Easy!)
I especially like the article "21 big lessons from little kids."
So I decided to come up with 21 Lessons I have learned since becoming the mother of 2 little kids:
1. The hours between 7 am and 7 pm - roughly the time they are awake can be as pleasant as you make them. You can dread every hour, fear every tantrum or you can embrace the day, make the most of it and that includes yogurt on the ceiling and the screaming fit in Target. Actually I have found the more relaxed I am the more relaxed they are.
2. Honesty so is the best policy. Little ones will tell you when you look funny. They will also tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world - and coming from them I know it is true - they are not just giving me a line.
3. Honesty is the best policy when dealing with them. If they ask how long you are going to be - tell them the truth. If they want to know why they have to eat veggies - tell them the truth. If they want to know why they have to go to bed, tell them the truth. Kids are so down with the truth to the extent they can understand. Like a dog can smell fear, kids can smell a lie.
4. It is perfectly acceptable to just do it! Stop thinking it over, stop hemming and hawing and just do it, the worst that can happen is you fall on your ass - best case - you have alot of fun.
5. If you are the one with the crayons - then the sky can be green and the grass blue - so there!
6. It is ok for someone to spit partially chewed food into my hand. It is not so bad really. Soap and water or a baby wipe will make my hand good as new. Honestly!
7. Bodily functions can be the ultimate comic relief.
8. Reading the same book over and over - really can be fun - especially once you have the story memorized - takes the pressure off - you could read it in your sleep or after being up all night.... The same applies to questions. Ask the same question enough and you might get the answer you are looking for.........
9. Sleep - well sleep is optional.
10. A 5 course gourmet well planned and executed meal has nothing on Mac & Cheese, yogurt, bananas and gummi bears - sorry Martha!
11. A kiss and a cuddle really can cure a world of hurts.
12. Waiting is silly, if everything ran on time everyone would be much happier. There is an reasonable amount of time one can wait and then you just bag it or throw a tantrum....
13. Outfits should make you happy - matching or seasonal appropriateness - well that is so last year.
14. Living the hell out of life is the point.
15. Eating with your fingers really does make the food taste better.
16. Listening is optional. Singing loudly so one does not have to listen - required skill.
17. At the end of the day, they do go to sleep, some nights quietly and other nights it is a struggle - but sleep they do.
18. The most peaceful sound in the world is the sound that one hears once they have gone to sleep - Silence.
19. One of the scariest sounds in the world is that same silence heard during the day followed by a shrill - "Moooooommmmmmmieeeeeeeeeeeee." Oh shit - what now?
20. Nothing compares to a big smile - on L or E's face.
21. While my life is drastically different and I am so not where I thought I would be - I would not trade any of it for all the money in world.
I especially like the article "21 big lessons from little kids."
So I decided to come up with 21 Lessons I have learned since becoming the mother of 2 little kids:
1. The hours between 7 am and 7 pm - roughly the time they are awake can be as pleasant as you make them. You can dread every hour, fear every tantrum or you can embrace the day, make the most of it and that includes yogurt on the ceiling and the screaming fit in Target. Actually I have found the more relaxed I am the more relaxed they are.
2. Honesty so is the best policy. Little ones will tell you when you look funny. They will also tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world - and coming from them I know it is true - they are not just giving me a line.
3. Honesty is the best policy when dealing with them. If they ask how long you are going to be - tell them the truth. If they want to know why they have to eat veggies - tell them the truth. If they want to know why they have to go to bed, tell them the truth. Kids are so down with the truth to the extent they can understand. Like a dog can smell fear, kids can smell a lie.
4. It is perfectly acceptable to just do it! Stop thinking it over, stop hemming and hawing and just do it, the worst that can happen is you fall on your ass - best case - you have alot of fun.
5. If you are the one with the crayons - then the sky can be green and the grass blue - so there!
6. It is ok for someone to spit partially chewed food into my hand. It is not so bad really. Soap and water or a baby wipe will make my hand good as new. Honestly!
7. Bodily functions can be the ultimate comic relief.
8. Reading the same book over and over - really can be fun - especially once you have the story memorized - takes the pressure off - you could read it in your sleep or after being up all night.... The same applies to questions. Ask the same question enough and you might get the answer you are looking for.........
9. Sleep - well sleep is optional.
10. A 5 course gourmet well planned and executed meal has nothing on Mac & Cheese, yogurt, bananas and gummi bears - sorry Martha!
11. A kiss and a cuddle really can cure a world of hurts.
12. Waiting is silly, if everything ran on time everyone would be much happier. There is an reasonable amount of time one can wait and then you just bag it or throw a tantrum....
13. Outfits should make you happy - matching or seasonal appropriateness - well that is so last year.
14. Living the hell out of life is the point.
15. Eating with your fingers really does make the food taste better.
16. Listening is optional. Singing loudly so one does not have to listen - required skill.
17. At the end of the day, they do go to sleep, some nights quietly and other nights it is a struggle - but sleep they do.
18. The most peaceful sound in the world is the sound that one hears once they have gone to sleep - Silence.
19. One of the scariest sounds in the world is that same silence heard during the day followed by a shrill - "Moooooommmmmmmieeeeeeeeeeeee." Oh shit - what now?
20. Nothing compares to a big smile - on L or E's face.
21. While my life is drastically different and I am so not where I thought I would be - I would not trade any of it for all the money in world.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I think I know what the problem is....
I try not to harp or pick on people. Most people know, if they ask me for my opinion I am inclined to offer my honest opinion - I try to be kind but from me you get the truth. I have always been of the opinion that if you have bothered to ask - then you must really want to know.
So that said - I think I know what part of this countriy's weight problem is all about. People sit on their butts too much - mainly in their cars! Seriously, I love our neighborhood. It is a lovely neighborhood. Our yard rocks, we have mature trees! At night, it is so quiet in the neighborhood you can hear a pin drop. Would I like the energy of a more urban setting - some days yes and some days no. Do I feel safe and peaceful here. Yes.
What I am not such a fan of is the fact that it is suburban and as such, walking places is a bit harder. I can walk to the library - more correctly I ride my bike. I can ride my bike to the post office. H and I have ridden our bikes out to breakfast and lunch. I think I could ride my bike to the grocery, it would be a bit of a challenge, but it is possible.
One of the things I love most about Europe, NYC, Chicago, San Fransisco and other large urban centers, is that you can walk so many great places. You can take public transit to so many great places. You can ride your bike so many great places. It is expected that you walk, ride or take public transit so many great places and all points in between.
In the suburbs it is expected that you will squeeze your ever expanding butt into your over sized SUV and drive so many places. I am not down with this. One, I overall hate to drive. Secondly, it is not good for the environment. Currently it is expensive to drive everywhere. Furthermore, it is healthy to walk.
Case in point, I walk everyday to get L from school. It is about an 1/8 of a mile each way. I am one of the only moms in the neighborhood who is doing this. Everyone else is driving. For the most part, I think this lazy. Sure, I guess if your schedule is so tight and your kids are in so many activities, that you have no other recourse - but I have thoughts on that also.
Walking is good for you. It is a time to unwind, to take a breather, to enjoy the day. Sure this week, it was cool and rainy - but last time I checked that is why we have rain boots, umbrellas and rain coats.
So when the other mothers comment on how I have lost weight and always seem so serene, blah, blah, blah - I just smile and say, well I guess it is all those hours in the gym. Which in part have helped - but honestly, if they drove a little less and walked a little more - it just might have an impact on a number of areas in their lives. It would also teach their children the value of life long exercise and and an appreciation for what Urbanites and Europeans have known for along time - walking does the mind and body good.
So that said - I think I know what part of this countriy's weight problem is all about. People sit on their butts too much - mainly in their cars! Seriously, I love our neighborhood. It is a lovely neighborhood. Our yard rocks, we have mature trees! At night, it is so quiet in the neighborhood you can hear a pin drop. Would I like the energy of a more urban setting - some days yes and some days no. Do I feel safe and peaceful here. Yes.
What I am not such a fan of is the fact that it is suburban and as such, walking places is a bit harder. I can walk to the library - more correctly I ride my bike. I can ride my bike to the post office. H and I have ridden our bikes out to breakfast and lunch. I think I could ride my bike to the grocery, it would be a bit of a challenge, but it is possible.
One of the things I love most about Europe, NYC, Chicago, San Fransisco and other large urban centers, is that you can walk so many great places. You can take public transit to so many great places. You can ride your bike so many great places. It is expected that you walk, ride or take public transit so many great places and all points in between.
In the suburbs it is expected that you will squeeze your ever expanding butt into your over sized SUV and drive so many places. I am not down with this. One, I overall hate to drive. Secondly, it is not good for the environment. Currently it is expensive to drive everywhere. Furthermore, it is healthy to walk.
Case in point, I walk everyday to get L from school. It is about an 1/8 of a mile each way. I am one of the only moms in the neighborhood who is doing this. Everyone else is driving. For the most part, I think this lazy. Sure, I guess if your schedule is so tight and your kids are in so many activities, that you have no other recourse - but I have thoughts on that also.
Walking is good for you. It is a time to unwind, to take a breather, to enjoy the day. Sure this week, it was cool and rainy - but last time I checked that is why we have rain boots, umbrellas and rain coats.
So when the other mothers comment on how I have lost weight and always seem so serene, blah, blah, blah - I just smile and say, well I guess it is all those hours in the gym. Which in part have helped - but honestly, if they drove a little less and walked a little more - it just might have an impact on a number of areas in their lives. It would also teach their children the value of life long exercise and and an appreciation for what Urbanites and Europeans have known for along time - walking does the mind and body good.
Monday, October 22, 2007
A new year
I rarely make New Year's resolutions. I also do not give up anything during Lent - as a general rule - I mean I do not smoke, I drink only off and on, I cannot eat most sweet treats, dairy products, wheat and corn. Dark chocolate - well it is in no one's best interest that I stop eating that. I gave up watching TV for Lent 2 years ago and well I never went back - I now hardly watch tv.
So while I do not make resolutions as a general rule - I am a goal driven person. I like the sense of accomplishment a job well done brings. So I have to say that 2007 has been a year - in which I have striven to bust out of my shell and go for it - full force! I decided in February to get serious about dealing with my food issues, to lose the last bit of baby weight and then some, I resolved at that point in time to take up running. I honestly thought I would shoot for a 5 K - well while that was the logical way to go - I instead just went for the 1/2 marathon - when I go for it, I go for it. The same with writing. I thought this little public diary in cyberspace would cure the writers' urge - but no - I have now not only kept up this blog, but also ventured into freelancing, written 2 short stories (one of which was rejected and one of which I just sent off for consideration.) I am going to buckle down and get started on the novel - which I have been working on and off and on!
So on balance in the last 6 months - I have taken on some big goals and accomplished them and I feel all the better for it. It is hard - I mean I hurt in a huge way today - but I did it. I trained (maybe not enough) but I did train for the run and ran I did! The story rejection stung a bit - but just made me all the more determined to improve my craft - to get better - to keep writing. I labored over this last story. I really am pleased with it. It is a good story. So I will just wait and see - but by no means will a rejection cause me to stop trying. I know I can do it. I ran and finished the half marathon and I will get published. I just will. I want it and I will work until it happens.
I have no idea what 2008 will hold - but right now 2007 is shaping up to be a very good year for me.
So while I do not make resolutions as a general rule - I am a goal driven person. I like the sense of accomplishment a job well done brings. So I have to say that 2007 has been a year - in which I have striven to bust out of my shell and go for it - full force! I decided in February to get serious about dealing with my food issues, to lose the last bit of baby weight and then some, I resolved at that point in time to take up running. I honestly thought I would shoot for a 5 K - well while that was the logical way to go - I instead just went for the 1/2 marathon - when I go for it, I go for it. The same with writing. I thought this little public diary in cyberspace would cure the writers' urge - but no - I have now not only kept up this blog, but also ventured into freelancing, written 2 short stories (one of which was rejected and one of which I just sent off for consideration.) I am going to buckle down and get started on the novel - which I have been working on and off and on!
So on balance in the last 6 months - I have taken on some big goals and accomplished them and I feel all the better for it. It is hard - I mean I hurt in a huge way today - but I did it. I trained (maybe not enough) but I did train for the run and ran I did! The story rejection stung a bit - but just made me all the more determined to improve my craft - to get better - to keep writing. I labored over this last story. I really am pleased with it. It is a good story. So I will just wait and see - but by no means will a rejection cause me to stop trying. I know I can do it. I ran and finished the half marathon and I will get published. I just will. I want it and I will work until it happens.
I have no idea what 2008 will hold - but right now 2007 is shaping up to be a very good year for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)