So like Elaine...

I have picked up a great free lance gig - writing descriptions about office chairs. It is challenging in that all 300 or so need to be unique and upbeat and of a similar style! Also I should not - in the Thesaurus there are only so many words for elegant, modern, comfortable, ect! So it is a challenge. I love it. This is the kind of freelance work I want. Challenging and focused. My editing and MS Word skills are expanding - all good!

I also have become acquainted with the website Elance (www.elance.com) which I love. The escrow feature in particular! Means I have assurance that I will get paid or at least some formal recourse, given my luck with the defunct magazine earlier this year!

So when I tell people about this assignment, most wrinkle their noses and say, "So like Elaine and the Urban Sombrero thing at Peterman."

Um Yeah - Exactly like that! Just call me Elaine! The Elaine of office chairs!

For those of you thinking this project is silly and potentially mind numbing - let me just say I know a few things about Urethane now - go look it up - fascinating really!

Rules of the Pool

Today L and I had a special mommy and me day. E had his last day of school before winter break. It was his holiday party and movie day. So L and I ran errands and picked the crafts for her tea party next week - then we went to the indoor pool at the rec center. (I had rallied hard for the conservatory but she was dead set on the pool.)

The pool really is nice. Large and with 2 slides. One baby slide and one big kid slide. The big kid slide requires that you be 42" tall and able to pass a swim test or over 48" tall and no swim test! Very simple - so between 42" and 48" you have to pass the test.

L wanted to do the big slide! I did not think she would be tall enough, but she climbed up the steps and low and behold down she came. Happy as a clam. She did the slide no less than 10 times before the the rest period. After rest period and the life guard shift, she climbs the stairs only to come down in tears. The new life guard felt she was not tall enough. (Hello her hair is wet....and flat to her head and the last time she had dry hair.) She is distraught for being denied what she had just done. I climb up the steps with her and got attitude. So not his problem.

So I marched us to the pool managers office. I was not taking issue with the rule - IT IS A GOOD RULE! But I was taking issue with the haphazard way it was being applied. There should be safe guards in place to ensure that all the guards are enforcing the rule in the same way. There should be a wet hair or dry hair allowance. Or the kids have to be clearly an inch over 48". Some safe guard. I get that it is a judgement call, but there are ways to ensure that everyone is making a seemingly uniform judgement. (Mgmt 101)

Like I explained the the pool manager - I take no issue with the rule on its face. I take issue that L is seeing people in positions of authority applying the rule in a haphazard way. It is unfair and creates situations where she feel she cannot trust those around her in positions of authority to act in a reliable and principled manner. To be allowed to do something and then 15 minutes later be denied the same privilege is unacceptable in my mind.

The manager agreed. She is just tall enough or just a tad under and she can swim - so she was allowed to proceed. But I could tell she felt confused and let down.

I hope the manager takes the time to express my concern to the life guards. It seems like no big deal, but in reality it really is a big deal!

I would submit that this is an issue in society at large! We as a culture tend to be selective in rule enforcement. I think it is important to be flexible and judge certain things on a case by case basis - but there is also something to be said for being principled and consistent in rule enforcement.

Bread is Dangerous...

I found this elsewhere on the Web and thought I would share it... From my point of view it is funny... While in NYC last weekend, it became abundantly apparent that if I were trapped in Grand Central Station for more than a day, I very well might starve. Other than coffee and fruit, there was very little around that did not involve wheat! Oh the bagels, the scones, the cakes, the pretzels, the sandwiches, and the pasta salad. For me, no different than crack... there is nothing like carbohydrate porn now is there....


Physics 1021 - Bread is Dangerous

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.


2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.


3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations


4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.


5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average North American eats more bread than that in one month!


6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.


7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.


8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.


9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.


10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.


11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.


12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors


2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.


3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.


4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.


5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

I think it clear... blame the BREAD - LOL!

Sometimes I am so nt smart...

The girl who has been waxing my eyebrows has left the salon. They were reassigning her book and frankly the scheduled time was the only time I could go...

Grr... I have been putting it off.

So what did the smart woman that I pretend to be do?

Yeah - I decided to try waxing them myself.... the right eye - not bad, the left eye - um well thank goodness my hair grows fast....

Sometimes I am just so not smart!

The Fox and the Hen House

I know you need experience but why is Obama picking an insider to run the SEC. We need someone who is not tainted and who can carry a big stick & bust some balls. Not someone who is considered a low profile caretaker.

I am as a woman happy to see a woman at the helm. But is THIS the woman for the job. I want someone running the SEC who carries a big stick, busts balls and puts these crooks and frauds in their place. Not a rubber stamper and not someone who has been an insider for a number of years. We need a straight talker like Jim Cramer or Suze Orman. Someone who talks straights and will make the SEC talk straight. Chris Matthews even. Their industry experience is less important to me - it is their low tolerance for bullshit which should receive the top billing in this case.

We need someone who will work with the Justice Department and who will be willing to throw those who cheat and lie and play fast and loose with the public's money and trust under the bus.

Wall Street is now taking my tax dollars to their bank in the Caymans and that pisses me the hell off.

I have my doubts that Mary can effect any real change.

So Obama - with this appointment I have to say I am questioning your normally sound judgement.

We need a pit bull and not another industry lap dog.