On Friday I posted a Facebook status update, which was very clever. I said: Digging in the Dirt. I meant I was going to go pot some herbs. I also was thinking about this very song - Digging in the Dirt.
My very clever and wonderful BFF responded: To find the places we got hurt. Great Peter Gabriel song!
She is a clever one that BFF.
I think I have been probing around at things that hurt. The trip to NYC has made me wistful. If I am objective, I have been on and off auto-pilot since my mother passed away. It is difficult to grieve and raise little kids. Life really does go on, even if you have to race to keep up with it.
There is a void left when a loved on passes away, but for me, the care giver, the dutiful daughter, there is another void. So much of my life, of my life choices have been tied up with the care and maintenance of my mother. That "now what" feeling seems to be clinging to me.
Add to that the abundance of deferred projects, the I will "get to it later"s and you can only imagine the daunting tasks that have stood in front of me since last November. It has taken me a long time to dig myself out and I am not really there yet either. There is still more to do.
I am also battling some realities which I don't really like, but am accepting slowly.
So yes, I am digging in the dirt...