For some reason - despite my best efforts at junk mail and catalog eradication a copy of the Brookstone - Innovations for Home and Life arrived at our house yesterday. I was flipping through it this morning while eating breakfast and this post was born!
13 Things I do not want for Christmas
1. More war - listen up GW - get out your hearing aids! No more WAR - what the HELL are we fighting for?
2. Fruitcake - yuck, yuck, yuck (while we are on the subject - no Egg Nog H - or whatever that stuff is you whip up every year - it is vile - you know, I know - Everyone knows it!)
3. Coal - I have been a very good girl this year.... now carbon that has been compressed into sparklies - Yep I will take that! (hint hint ;) )
4. Small kitchen appliances - I am not really interested in anything that makes omelets on the counter or anything that juices carrots. I am a simple girl and frankly - if it has a cord I am told it cannot go in the dishwasher - I am a big fan of the dishwasher!
5. Holiday sweaters. Hear me and commit to memory - I am not in this lifetime or the next going to wear a holiday sweater. I think it is silly! It is just me - I am not the fashion police - but I refuse to wear said sweater - thank you!
6. A bucket for the beach complete with an iPod holder, charger and speakers. (pg 45 of Brookstone catalog!) Why? I would like a little iPod... for running - but a bucket. Please? Actually that is my response to almost - well ok everything - in that crazy catalog! Why?
7. Knick knacks or trinkets - you have to dust around them - takes more time... if they are glass I have to put them up high and frankly I am out of room! I am not into clutter!
8. Spam - the canned meat (yuck - never tried it and plan to die having never had the pleasure!) or the email variety. I have had it up to my eyeballs with ads for fake rolexes, cheap prescription drugs, penny stocks and penis enhancement.
9. Maybe it is the same as SPAM - but BS I so could live without anymore BS. Any form of BS, no more BS from people who look like friends and sometimes act that way (what was that about a wolf in sheep's clothing - see I should be taking notes.) No more BS from school, just none - I want no more BS and what I would really love is a sign - big neon one - that says - "BS FREE ZONE! LEAVE YOUR BS ELSEWHERE - THANKS!"
10. Puppies or kittens (or fish, hamsters, rats, turtles....) Rarely did I agree with much my MIL thought - but on this she was right on target. Just say no to house pets. They are messy, they smell, the do other things in the house I would rather not think about. The cuteness factor is negligible. I like animals. I was a practicing vegetarian for a long time. Along with this I will say I do not want a fur coat thank you very much. Animals look good in fur - I do not - but I also do not want the live animals in my house.
11. Snow - bah humbug! I do not want any more of it - seen it - built the snowman with L. Done - lets have some 60 degree weather and sunshine in the stocking - thank you very much!
12. Hunger - I have enough to eat - but hey GW - while you are so busy doing nothing - lame duck that you are - could you do something useful and smart and compassionate and feed the hungry. That people go to bed hungry in the US - is shameful - that you have chosen to ignore it for 8 years is doubly so!
13. Pictures of Brittany (or celebrate X) doing something stupid and wasteful and tacky! While I fully support your right to privacy and yes if you choose to swim naked in your pool behind the 16 foot privacy fence - as an American or ok a human being - this is your right - but in public and this includes the grocery store, restuarant, night club, street, park, and Starbucks - please act with manners and set a good example - for better or worse you are a role model - act like - it is part of the job! (Heck I am just an aspiring author - but in public I put my best foot forwards and do my best to make my mama proud.)
1. More war - listen up GW - get out your hearing aids! No more WAR - what the HELL are we fighting for?
2. Fruitcake - yuck, yuck, yuck (while we are on the subject - no Egg Nog H - or whatever that stuff is you whip up every year - it is vile - you know, I know - Everyone knows it!)
3. Coal - I have been a very good girl this year.... now carbon that has been compressed into sparklies - Yep I will take that! (hint hint ;) )
4. Small kitchen appliances - I am not really interested in anything that makes omelets on the counter or anything that juices carrots. I am a simple girl and frankly - if it has a cord I am told it cannot go in the dishwasher - I am a big fan of the dishwasher!
5. Holiday sweaters. Hear me and commit to memory - I am not in this lifetime or the next going to wear a holiday sweater. I think it is silly! It is just me - I am not the fashion police - but I refuse to wear said sweater - thank you!
6. A bucket for the beach complete with an iPod holder, charger and speakers. (pg 45 of Brookstone catalog!) Why? I would like a little iPod... for running - but a bucket. Please? Actually that is my response to almost - well ok everything - in that crazy catalog! Why?
7. Knick knacks or trinkets - you have to dust around them - takes more time... if they are glass I have to put them up high and frankly I am out of room! I am not into clutter!
8. Spam - the canned meat (yuck - never tried it and plan to die having never had the pleasure!) or the email variety. I have had it up to my eyeballs with ads for fake rolexes, cheap prescription drugs, penny stocks and penis enhancement.
9. Maybe it is the same as SPAM - but BS I so could live without anymore BS. Any form of BS, no more BS from people who look like friends and sometimes act that way (what was that about a wolf in sheep's clothing - see I should be taking notes.) No more BS from school, just none - I want no more BS and what I would really love is a sign - big neon one - that says - "BS FREE ZONE! LEAVE YOUR BS ELSEWHERE - THANKS!"
10. Puppies or kittens (or fish, hamsters, rats, turtles....) Rarely did I agree with much my MIL thought - but on this she was right on target. Just say no to house pets. They are messy, they smell, the do other things in the house I would rather not think about. The cuteness factor is negligible. I like animals. I was a practicing vegetarian for a long time. Along with this I will say I do not want a fur coat thank you very much. Animals look good in fur - I do not - but I also do not want the live animals in my house.
11. Snow - bah humbug! I do not want any more of it - seen it - built the snowman with L. Done - lets have some 60 degree weather and sunshine in the stocking - thank you very much!
12. Hunger - I have enough to eat - but hey GW - while you are so busy doing nothing - lame duck that you are - could you do something useful and smart and compassionate and feed the hungry. That people go to bed hungry in the US - is shameful - that you have chosen to ignore it for 8 years is doubly so!
13. Pictures of Brittany (or celebrate X) doing something stupid and wasteful and tacky! While I fully support your right to privacy and yes if you choose to swim naked in your pool behind the 16 foot privacy fence - as an American or ok a human being - this is your right - but in public and this includes the grocery store, restuarant, night club, street, park, and Starbucks - please act with manners and set a good example - for better or worse you are a role model - act like - it is part of the job! (Heck I am just an aspiring author - but in public I put my best foot forwards and do my best to make my mama proud.)
2 comments:
electronics and sand. what were they thinking?
no more buns for you?
Right - water, sand and ice all near your iPod - um no thanks!
Yeah no buns - I have enough going on cannot not imagine more craziness....
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