I have been thinking recently about how I make choices. Most people would say I am deceive and I can be. Easy stuff is easy. Chicken on sale - great we are having that for dinner. Done! I can get dressed in five minutes - generally able to decide very fast what I am going to wear. Done.
The bigger choices are really harder for me. I have many times made a choice by deciding what I did not want. I call this the ruling things out method. I rather settled on my major and college that way. I knew I did not want to spend my life in a windowless lab - so chemistry and biological sciences were out. I am good at math but did not want to mess with no real numbers or the 4th dimension or whatever. So then I began working through the subjects I liked and narrowed it down from there. For instance, I like children but a room full of them scare the bejeezes out of me - so teaching was out. Maybe high school I always thought, but then decided a room full of attitude would make me nuts, so I ruled it out.
I have used this method of decision making on and off for years. I am not sure it is the best method.
I also have felt over the years I have had to defend or justify my reasons for deciding something. In some circumstances that is reasonable - in others not so much. In professional situations I can see the value of outline the decision making process or offering supportive arguments to back up a given course of action. Otherwise I think it is ok to just decide and move forward. I am not good at that. I worry about criticism or I worry about what people will think and well I worry.
I am committing to myself that I am going to try and break this habit. I can want what I want and I am old enough to decide what I am going to go for or after and it is my choice and I am am just going to go for it. I need not defend those choices or justify them or rationalize. I am a smart, sane woman. I am a thinker. I will make the right choice for me and what others think is not an issue. What I think is important.