Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Food Panic

I was talking to my mom yesterday. She started the Iodine Free or Low Iodine diet on Sunday. I was checking to see how she was doing. She is doing well. She and my bro cooked some over the weekend - so she had some additional choices. She was surprised that things tasted ok without salt and I dropped her off the Kosher Salt I had bought yesterday. She did without salt as a seasoning on Sunday and part of yesterday.

I have talked about it before - but she said she could totally relate to it now. Food panic. I get this every so often when I think about venturing out to a place I have never been before or before I travel.

Let's face it. I can eat next to nothing processed and my meals require much planning. I always travel with my own food - but it is a challenge and going somewhere new sends me into fits occasionally. I mean we rented an ridiculously large beach house this fall- because I had a very real fear(or near moment of panic) of being trapped in a hotel room with no kitchen and no way to cook for myself for seven days. I like Lara Bars - but seriously how many can you eat in a week and not go crazy. Same goes for bananas and apples with peanut butter. Trust me there was not Whole Foods or similar for hours...

While I loved our trip to NYC - I will admit to being very hungry when we got home. Very hungry. Because I was eating very little that trip. Fruits, veggies, and boiled eggs and then the Gluten Free snacks I had packed myself. That was it. Some potato chips for crunch... While we ate well on Friday - the rest of the trip was more snacks for me.

So yesterday she said she totally got a taste of that panic. She was afraid what she had brought to work might not be enough and she had that moment of panic of what could she do about that. It is a frantic feeling. But it passes.

In some ways I think discovering this issue I have - and going gluten free as an adult is easier. I am an adult and I have zero desire to cheat. But I also long for things I used to eat and now cannot. Had I been this way my entire life, I think it might not be such a big deal. Although peer pressure as a kid might have been tough. The desire to not be the kid with the freaky food issues. (Who am I kidding - I had freaky food issues as a kid - just had no idea what the cause was and therefore I felt even more freaky!)

But the feeling of food panic is real. It is a fact of life. I look at food very differently than most people. There is not much pleasure in food anymore. It is a means to an end. It is a central focus of my life - but not because I like it or find great pleasure in eating... it is a source of fear sometimes and other times it is just something I have to plan for and around. There is no spontaneity in my eating habits.

I know others feel this way. Anyone with food allergies will tell you - that you must always been thinking. There is no mindlessly eating to fill the time or just tasting something that looks good. There just isn't.

2 comments:

roughlyapril said...

i cannot even imagine...the only food scare i have is over eating (or after i have over eaten)...i'm sure it must be very consuming...i have read about some of your food issue and needing your diet to be gluten free (i'm a nurse, and i should know more about it, but shamefully, i don't).

carolynn

Susan said...

I very likely have Ceilac's disease. I see a homeopath - so I have not done all the medical tests, but all the markers are there... I have been gluten free pushing 3 years now.

It is manageable, but sometimes - well sometimes it is scary - thinking about being out and about and not having something to eat - which is ok for me!