Friday, January 18, 2008

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

L got the movie Mulan for Christmas from my bro. She and E have been watching it nonstop ever since. It is a hit. I have now seen it - bits and pieces the entire way through twice. It is a great movie. Think tomboy princess. Mulan is tough. She pretends to be a boy and fools the Imperial Army and learns to fight like a man.

This has made me think a good bit about what we see and what we do not see. Clearly she is a young girl, but she dresses as a boy and joins the army and succeeds - until she is wounded and her gender is discovered.

I wonder if this is true for our inner selves, our true selves. What do we hide from people and what do we show them? Are we different or do certain parts of us stand forward with in certain relationships? Do we utilize a different skill set with one set of friends and another with others?

I think that we do. I think that there are layers of self at play in every interpersonal interaction which we enter into. I think we are a certain way with certain people. I am absolutely sure that I am this way. I just was not aware of this until recently.

I also think that people view us in very different ways. They see in us things we may not see in ourselves. I know this is also true for me. Over the last year, during my Susan overhaul - I have noticed this. There are parts of me that I hid from even me! That I either did not SEE or chose not to see.

It is strange to realize that I have been standing in front of the mirror all this time and missing certain things - which others have seen all along.

I also wonder if it is truly possible to integrate all of "our - selves" into one cohesive unit. Can we find a total oneness? Can we truly be our true self with everyone - furthermore is it reasonable to want to? Is it better to have the layers - to protect the fragile inner core - is it perhaps wise to hold back in certain situations - until we are sure it is a good idea to share the entire package.

I have no idea how to answer these questions - but I think there has to be a certain freedom in the integration but inherit dangers also.

I will say that what I have found is that as I have embraced the me I have uncovered - I am so much more free than before. I am thinking the way that I think best, I have embraced a part of me I had sought to reject and it feels wonderful.

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