Thursday, January 15, 2009

Too cool for School

Well not really - but I am back in MBA school. For a variety of reasons. This round it is Human Resources Management. A subject I both enjoy and loathe.

I was speaking with EP today. She is a friend from back in the day at the former JOB. She and I think alike. Difference is she is still there and I am sitting here writing for you all to read.

My beef with HR is not actually with HR. My beef is with the text books and the corporate disingenuous rhetoric - which perpetuals the myth that all the HR mumbo jumbo actually matters. I am behind the idea of actually using intrinsic and extrinsic motivators. I am behind 360 feed back and peer evaluations and I am behind compressed work weeks and health benefits and gym membership discounts. I am behind team building exercises and the whole bit... but what I am finding hard to stomach is the the way they dress it UP and make it sound like these lofty principals are what drive corporate decision making. That is BS!

The almighty dollar is what drives corporate decision making. Intrinsic rewards and praise for a job well done be damned. When the chips are down - as they are now - the CEO and the CFO and the CIO and so forth and so on are gunning to keep their jobs and could give a shit about yours - other than it costs them money and they would like to cut it. You are just a pile of zeros.

You can emasse years upon years worth of glowing HR reviews, a killer sales record and/or perfect attendance from 40 years ago. Never sick one day and frankly it is all for shit. Cuz when they cut - they cut and it is not based on fact or reason or anything. It is a free for all! They chuck the HR manual and start looking at fiance reports. If they even ever bothered to look at the HR manual. And I know that is why MBA school is pushing the HR piece - but really. I read the news... it is about money. ML has an HR department - which they outsourced to INDIA. That says alot about the value they place on that part of th MBA ciriculum.

I was a model employee at the former JOB. Good reviews and the whole bit. Showed up gave 110% and at the end of the day the whiny guy on the team whined louder than I worked hard and no one but no one cared. When I sought a lateral move or something, that bite me in the butt. Besides I was a woman in an all male business. I was told by the HR designee in our office that "getting your MBA is a waste of time and the companies money - Because we all know you will just end up a mom - like all the others before you!"

My friend who has worked for 10 years at her company and is a middle manger - yep she is drawing unemployment. Not because she was the weak link or anything. The company's profits are for shit and 1/3 of the work force was laid off and yet the CEO is enjoying wine and veal at Cipreoni's.

I get that business is about making money. Duh! But we need to as a culture decide if we want to define value solely as money. Is shareholder value solely about the bottom the line. Cuz the same shareholder is paying the good for nothing CEO - to eat at Cipreoni's and my friend to draw unemployment. Is this a VALUE? I think not.

The CEO should be paid only if the company makes a profit. If the theory of business is that the business is in business to make model holds true.

I am CEO of Images Written - my business and I only make money if I make money. I work for myself - but the point is.... that is the CEOs job. To run a profitable business. His/Her decisions shape the business and he/she should be held directly accountable. The buck stops at the CEOs door.

The big guys, by my estimations see it that we work for them to make them money. While they hang out, drink martini's and play golf. Something is wrong with this picture.

Oh I get that they are networking and visioning and thinking... my ass they are loafing. And they are stealing from those of us who just want to work hard, make our mark and feed our families.

It takes - in my mind - the balls of a brass monkey to get on national TV or appear at the senate hearings and start crying now that the auto industry is for shit and you need my tax money or else the world as we know it is going to end.

Well they should know - the greedy corporate jet flying, multi million dollar earning BIG GUY. You ran it into the ground. Stop shifting the blame and take it like a man. You want the rest of use to eat rice and beans - pony up and share your can!

Same for the Lehman goons. They trashed a legitamate bank and put 1000s out of work for greed alone. They should be tarred and feathered. No amount of HR razzle dazzle could save any of the lifetime Lehman employees - who did nothing wrong - other than to trust the BS coming out of the CEOs mouth.

I think they should have to pick up trash on the side of the road from now until eternity to atone for their egregious breach of both their employees and share holder's trust - the rest of us have bills to pay and team building meetings to attend.

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